Be
sure to post the four digit course section at the top of your blog
posting. There is no need to include the ENC 1101 part; Just put the
four digits of the course section. After you post the course number, you
are welcome to give your posting a title if you so choose.
For the initial part of this response, you must consider Tomlinson's argument about metaphors conveying significance regarding the revision process. You should come up with your own revision metaphor that helps you to elucidate what your revision process is like. After coming up with your metaphor, you should investigate and elaborate on how the metaphor works. It may help you to start this exercise by looking up what a metaphor is. Certainly, Tomlinson covers some different metaphors in her piece, but having a working definition of what a metaphor is may help you deliver a more effective posting. Also, I might suspect that the metaphors of students such as yourselves will take on different connotations and denotations than those metaphors developed many years ago.
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For the second part of this response, you must post your transcribed think-aloud protocol. I'm not expecting you to have coded the transcript at this point (we will work on coding in class). After posting your transcription of your think-aloud protocol, you should draw a line.
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And then write a brief synapses of what you find to be significant regarding your think-aloud protocol. Were there certain aspects of the composing process that you tended to focus more on? Did you notice trends in how you compose? What factors impact your composing process? How did the process of doing the think-aloud protocol impact you?
Your blog for week four is due no later than Sunday, Sept. 9th by 11:59pm (Eastern Standard Time).
Your response to a peer's posting is due no later than Tuesday, Sept. 11th, by 11:59pm (Eastern Standard Time).
If you have any
questions regarding this prompt, please contact me at joseph.longhany@ucf.edu
After reading this section about referring to the revision process through metaphors, I realized that it played a crucial role in the way you develop your writing. We use metaphors everyday whether we are aware of it or not. The metaphorical stories that Tomlinson studies showed 8 different perspectives of the revision process but were also related. The 8 metaphors used to describe revision included refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing, and cutting. All of these provide a general purpose of editing to develop writing and there were alterations made to some extent in each of their writing. They were further put into subgroups by closer similarity. The first subgroup includes the first four revising stories that I stated. They were alike in the sense that their revision was done reformulating the writing as a whole. Big changes are made to their work as a result of this idea. The point is to create something that is very valuable in the end and it's a very formal process. The second subgroup consisting of the last four metaphors mentioned don't focus on reformulation of the text, instead they are geared towards editing parts of it and fixing minor details or working out the kinks. Material either stays put or gets deleted. These 8 different forms of a revision have a massive effect on the ending result of one's writing. It focuses on different aspects of revising and going beyond the problems of the "core" experience of revising as stated on page 265. My own personal metaphor describing my revision process is this: After a seed has been planted in the soil with sufficient sunlight, I nurture the seed and water it watching it grow as I go back and add the touch that it needs to be considered complete and to become something beautiful. Even after it has become a beautiful flower, it still needs to be well kept by removing the weeds that surround it. In this metaphor, the seed already planted is considered my first draft providing me with a general sense of direction. The sunlight and soil give it the ability to grow allowing flexibility and room for change as I write. When I talk about watering it, this means adding the details that it needs so it can become more developed. When the process is complete, I maintain it by cutting the weeds growing around it or taking out information that isn't benefitting my writing. My metaphor can be more related to the 2nd subgroup in the sense that I don't go and reformulate my writing as a whole, instead I revise certain parts. It's also related to the 1st subgroup by making sure something valuable comes out of it by making the changes to do so.
ReplyDeleteTranscription of protocol:
DeleteI read the whole assignment. I reread the first sentence of the assignment. I paused and was silent for a while then began talking. Reread the first sentence one last time and opened writing about writing text reading a few sentences here and there. I began typing then paused a few times. Then I said what I was typing next out loud. I made a long pause while typing the concluding sentence for the first paragraph and hit the backspace button a few times. I read the next part of the assignment. I read the definition of a metaphor from online. I began to say verbs including singing, running, and dancing. Then I said the word planting and started typing without pauses or hesitation. I reread the paragraph stopping in between to make minor changes and ended.
0M08
ReplyDeletecontinued
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When I listened to my think aloud protocol it went along the lines of this. I started out by reading the whole assignment giving myself an idea about what the general topic was. I then reread the first sentence to see what was being asked of first. I hesitated to start typing and paused for a long time not knowing what to type. I reread the statement one last time then opened the text for the class. Finally I began to type pausing every once in a while to get my ideas straightened out. I began to discuss what idea would come next as I finished typing a previous sentence. When I came to wrapping the first topic up I struggled for a little and paused once again. I typed a few sentences silently but noticed that I kept hitting the backspace button still unable to connect my ideas. I stated the thoughts that were in my head and finally was able to organize it into a concluding statement. I then read out the next part of the topic asking me to create a metaphor and continued to read until I saw the line separating it from the next part. The first thing I did was look up the definition of a metaphor to refresh my memory and to sort of organize my thoughts in my head. I started saying out different verbs including the ones from the text like cutting, painting, sculpting etc. I even started to say verbs like singing, running, and dancing hoping something would be related to my revision process. I randomly said the word planting and I talked about myself visualizing how a plant starts from a seed then continues to grow when it is nurtured and then I began to type out the metaphor. All of my ideas were just coming right after the other, there was no hesitation. After I explained my metaphor and how it works I reread my paragraph to see if it made sense and I stopped a couple of times making minor changes and finally just stopped.
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Doing think aloud protocol made me feel a little uncomfortable to be honest. I felt like I was forced to keep talking rather than just type my ideas out because I didn't want to end up pausing for too long. While listening to my think aloud protocol though, I noticed that I focused a lot on reading. I read the different parts of the assignment, read the definition from online, and reread my writing to make sure it made sense. I noticed that I don't make that many changes when I'm composing, instead I focus on minor details that can improve the result and take out what isn't necessary. Factors that impact my composing process include the mood I'm in, whether I feel like doing work or not, my stress level, pretty much anything relating to how I feel. The location I'm at impacts it as well. The process of doing the think-aloud protocol impacted me by making me pay more attention to what I do and how I focus when I'm trying to write something. I never usually think about it, I just do it. I would prefer doing it silently though. This method messed up my flow because I was so focused on trying to speak about exactly everything I was doing that I could barely concentrate on putting my ideas on paper.
I agree with you on how people use metaphors everyday. I think metaphors help elaborate things better. Also I was very interested when I was reading your protocol. I can relate to the ways you write and prep to begin writing.
DeleteI completely agree with you on the Think-Aloud Protocol. Thinking aloud is just a waste of time. When you think in you head ideas flow more smoothly and you jot down ideas much quicker. I for one think faster than I speak and can write much faster. When Perl introduced the idea in the previous week's reading the only thing that came to my mind as I read her piece on Tony was-- he's illiterate, no wonder he can't write and has an easier time speaking aloud. The mere fact that one can speak their ideas isn't new. Humans do that every day in normal conversation. This process was new to me and, I believe, you will choose not to do this sort of socio-literary motion again.
DeleteCynthia Lapham
0m08
I agree with both you and Cynthia reguading the think-aloud protocol. I, like you, felt awkward and uncomfortable as well as rushed to keep talking which in turn rushed my writing.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteCould you copy and paste the transcription of your protocol into the blog? You have described your protocol, but I want you to paste at least a portion of the transcript here.
DeleteBest,
Joseph Longhany
It is a very good point on what you brought up on the think-aloud protocol. As I was doing it I felt that it actually slowed me down on my writing rather than helping me out.
DeleteI completely agree with you when you say that thinking aloud is a totally waste of time. I found out that it slowed me down when I was writing versus when I kept my thoughts to myself. Im already a very slow writer, so anything that slows me down even more doesn't benefit me, rather it's a huge road block.
DeleteI just read your reply Professor Longhany. Is it too late to transcribe my protocol? And I thought by transcribe you meant to describe it?
DeleteBrittan Petty
ReplyDelete1101-OM08
Before reading this piece I never knew there were metaphors that were used to describe the writing process. Sure, I've heard of metaphors being used to describe everyday occurrences, but never writing. In Barbara Tomlinson’s piece, “Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts,” she explains the use of eight different metaphors that relate back to how an author revises their writing. She uses stories such as: Refining Ore, Casting and Recasting, Sculpting, Painting, Sewing and Tailoring, Tying things off, Fixing Things, and Cutting. To be honest, I didn’t understand the metaphors the first time through, but after reading the text aloud, everything started making sense. Each metaphor “conveys a different view of reality and represents a special way of seeing.” (261) The stories themselves and the meanings of the metaphors work together to explain the different aspects of the composing process (mainly the revising portion). The first four stories (first subgroup)-refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, and painting-all relate to one another. They are all alike in that they reformulate the writing as a whole. In other words, big changes are made during the revising process. The overall point of these four stories is to create something “beautiful and valuable” in the end. The second subgroup-fixing things, sewing, tying things off, and cutting-work to suggest revising as a process on a smaller scale and happen later in the revising process. They stories are more “craft and rule” rather than “heavy labor and art.” These stories focus on fixing minor mistakes/details and working out the kinks in the text, rather than reformulating the entire paper. In cutting, either the text stays or gets deleted. These eight different metaphorical stories are all different in how they go about revising, but yield the same results: a beautifully written text. A metaphor that I came up with about the revising process is: After a flu virus has been planted in your system, you come down with the flu. The first couple days are the worst; you’re throwing-up, experiencing hot flashes, groggy, and just not there. But day by day you start to feel a little bit better. You take medicine and after a week or so, you feel brand new. In this metaphor, the flu virus is the planning process. It’s provided you with a general sense of what you want the text to be about and where you want to take it. The sickness is the first draft. It’s sick: mixed up, confusing, tiring to read, missing different elements that make it a whole. The medicine provides a way for the text to slowly come together. It cures and rids the text of the toxic virus. In the end, the text comes out brand new.
Brittan Petty
ReplyDeleteOM08 Continued
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The first time I listened to my think aloud protocol, I was a little embarrassed. I cannot stand listening to my own voice. I started out with the planning process. I wrote down a few key ideas and came up with a general sense of where I want to take the narrative. I reread the prompt a few times, ensuring that I was staying on topic. I procrastinated for a while before beginning my first sentence. I back spaced a couple times, trying to come up with the perfect first sentence. I looked at my planning page to see what I wanted to include in the opening paragraph. After looking over my planning page, I finally came up with a formula of what to include. I began typing away. I didn’t stop until I reached the end of the first paragraph. I reread the paragraph, revising as I went along. In the end, the paragraph held the same meaning as it had before I revised it, but the words and sentences were rearranged. I paused for a couple of minutes again, trying to come up with the next paragraph. I wasn’t sure of where to take it. I looked at my planning page, trying to find a general sense of direction. I wrote down a few ideas and found my direction. The rest of my narrative went along like the beginning of my essay: reread the prompt, plan the paragraph, write, revise, and repeat. I didn’t record then entire process of writing. I recorded the beginning (planning and the first two paragraphs) and the end (revising, editing, and publishing). After completing the narrative, I went back to the beginning and began revising. I cut out parts of the text, changed a few words, and added in information. The revising process didn’t take me long since I revised as I went along. Editing was next. I talked about changing a few words here and there, and then grammar checking the entire essay. After editing was complete, I published the narrative. This consisted of printing out the hard copy of the narrative. This was only for my first draft.
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I noticed when listening to my think aloud protocol, I tended to stop and procrastinate a lot. I reread the prompt numerous times, planned each paragraph out, and backspaced one too many times. I found out that I also focus a lot on the revising process very early on. I revised after every paragraph and sometimes I even revised during the paragraph. This caused me to lose a general sense of direction and would result in me having to read the text again (revising once again) to find the direction. I would then plan out the next paragraph, procrastinating, again. My writing process is affected by the mood I am in, how my stress level is, what the writing topic is about, and how concentrated I am. The think aloud protocol really helped open my eyes to how I compose. I noticed many flaws in my composing process, flaws that I need to work on. I prefer working in silence, talking only when I am rereading what I have already typed/written out. This process didn’t really help my writing. It slowed it down even more so than it already was.
0M08
DeleteI can see how you didn't quite understand the metaphors in the reading at first because it took me a couple of times to grasp the idea and how it related to the composing process.I found your metaphor to be interesting. At first I didn't quite understand it and couldn't really relate to it, but after you explained it I was able to grasp what you were saying and found it to be very original. I completely agree with you about hating to hear your own voice. I am the same way and I was focused more on how weird I sounded than what I was actually saying and it was a huge setback. The think-aloud protocol does help you see how you personally compose your writing which is very interesting but it doesn't really benefit me
OM08
ReplyDeleteTomlinson’s reading talked about a lot different metaphors used by writers. She mentioned eight specific ones that writers use. Refining the ore meant that the first time may not always work and approaching it in many ways is what it needs to direct writing in the right path. Casting and recasting was referred to as reforming the text but also taking things that were developed earlier and apply it to the text. Sculpting was an example of shaping the text first then going back to polish the text up. Painting was a metaphor used to describe the text changing at any process during any stage. Sewing and tailoring was a metaphor used when the writer begins inserting different things into the text in order to make adjustments. Tying things off was referred to when the writer goes back to fix things in the text after completing everything. Fixing things refers to not being able to fix all problems in one draft. Cutting was a metaphor used when the writer should separate the dead text from the alive text in order to make the alive details catch the reader’s attention. These metaphors all play a big part in writing because they are techniques that pretty much everyone uses. Tomlinson is trying to convey to the readers that it’s okay to polish up your text but always remember that the first draft isn’t the final draft. Also there are many different ways to revise text. She uses these eight metaphors from different writers to explain that there isn’t a right or wrong revision process. She is conveying through her metaphors that change is okay during the revision process because sometimes it takes different approaches in order to complete the final stage in writing. The metaphor that I use to describe my revision process is “jump in the ocean and let the waves carry you away, after the journey only remember what was important and throw away anything that can’t relate. What this means is that when I begin writing I don’t plan I just jump write in and let my mind flow. After I get done writing I go back and take put things that don’t relate to the text and only remember the important details that I can emphasize on.
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When I was doing my think a loud protocol I began by brainstorming first. Then after that I decided how I can tie my writing into figurative language. I began my first sentence in my first paragraph then stopped to think of how I would carry on. I began writing again and I noticed that I added in a few more details before actually beginning my assignment. I thought of some key points to elaborate on then began writing again. When it came to ending my draft I went back and read the whole thing over. I began to edit the text. I would pause after editing and ask myself questions about the things I added to make sure it wasn’t going to interfere with the way my text was flowing. I began adding more details and elaborating on specific subjects. I added some more examples from the text and then re-read it again. After I completed my editing and re read my text one last time to make sure it was appealing.
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I found that my revision process was very unique during the think a loud protocol. I think that it was significant to examine the way I write, how I begin and end. I focused more on the beginning paragraph the most because that is the foundation of my writing. I noticed that when I compose before going onto another idea I go back and read what I had before to help my mind remember all the details and information I provided. I would have to say the topic of my writing impacts the way I compose. If I am confident in the information then I tend to write much better than having no knowledge of a subject. The think a loud protocol didn’t impact me. It actually slowed me down and made it harder to think because all my ideas are usually internal and saying them out loud made it a little awkward.
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ReplyDeleteMetaphors became much more important after reading this section; the mentality of the writer and the language change how we think and view figurative language. The metaphors presented by Tomlinson were eight subjects from varied backgrounds who shared a varied revision processes. The eight metaphors described by Tomlinson are all very familiar to those who have spoken English for more than a fortnight—refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing, tying off, fixing and cutting. All of these ideas have been used to describe so much but so much can be gathered from these eight core actions. Metaphors grant us the ability to imagine esoteric motifs and make them tangible. Writing is ongoing and so are the metaphors used. Lakoff and Johnson commented that metaphors have entailments and with such entailments authors can show varied experiences in common themes known to all readers (262). The message being conveyed in Tomlinson work is that the editing process that once selects has a lasting impact on how your final draft turns out. Each metaphor that is demonstrated has an important role on the human psyche. When Dickey uses mining each reader comes out with a different manifestation of the illusive idea but all along the same guidelines. Tomlinson has an even number of metaphors and he breaks up them to show that in reality there are only two different revision techniques with multiple layers in the same general idea. The first four ideas—refining, casting, sculpting and painting—all show that the authors go back and reformulate the “inorganic material” in their bodies of work (263). These first four pieces are singular and form one piece that is continuous and not choppy. They, the authors, try to construct aesthetics literary statue that is to be seen as works of art that convey messages quite well. They want to communicate an idea that is well crafted and understandable by all who elect to read their articles. The last four metaphors diverge from the editing process of the first group. Instead of reworking the entire piece, these four—fixing things, sewing, tying things off—look at editing the minor details in their works; either it stays in the article or it is deleted and not part of the final draft. These editing processes are vital to an eclectic and diverse methods of writing that impact the core experiences that we all experience as writers. When I work on my writing I feel as if I am almost a gardener. My words are my seeds and as I continue to write my seeds sprout into ideas that finally blossom when I have completed. Gardens are not always perfect and I am also the weed whacker—I tear and eliminate the areas that would make my work look unfinished or too garbled. My metaphor is important to me as its very clear and concise what I am trying to convey. My metaphor falls underneath the category of the first group where I reread my entire essay and see if certain parts of the arguments mesh or don’t mesh. I delete if I feel it is warranted or add parts that I didn’t know notice before.
ReplyDeleteCynthia Lapham
om08
part 2
ReplyDeleteCynthia Lapham
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My Think-Aloud Protocol went along the lines of this. After reading the text I would go to the questions and brainstorm on what the article meant to me. Metaphors have never been that important to me so I feel that this article was hard to keep interested in even if the topic was worth learning about. I dove straight into the essay as the ideas started to flow and I immediately knew what I wanted to say in the essay. I started my Think-Aloud discussing how I felt about the text. The text was interesting but nothing that I would ever pick up at the checkout section of Publix. Before I began my Think-Aloud I wrote down main points that I planned on writing about. As I replayed my voice it was as if I was hearing another girl talk. When you think in your head it’s a different voice than the one recorded and I found this better in the end. Prewriting has never been my forte and I found this strange; normally I write in a way that is fluid and non-conformist. My editing process isn’t as in-tune as the eight authors who are demonstrated in the text. Through my Think-Aloud session I realized that I go off on tangents and get off topic a lot when I think aloud rather than write. As I began to write down my paper it was annoying having to speak. I wrote my paper completely then I took my paper and wrote it on Microsoft Word. As I wrote it was easier to write in silence on the computer. In my session I kept bringing up the idea of English and what English meant to me. I edited the text, saved it on my computer and copied and pasted to the Blog where I printed out my hardcopy for class.
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Think-Aloud Protocol is not for me. I have never felt compelled to speak when I am writing my papers—that takes too much effort. When I write I just want to write and not have the added task of voicing my actions as my actions are evident in the work that I produce. I felt forced to talk and explain my reasons. To be honest, I don’t have any rhyme or reason to how I write. The finish product just comes when I believe it is good enough to be published. When I write I seem to focus on choosing words that best describe my general idea. I like to reread the book as I type my essay to grab bits and pieces that I feel are important to my overall theme. First, I read the book to get a feeling for the article; I highlight and write notes as I go. Then, I go back to the blog where I think about the questions asked and mull it over before I start to compose my essay. I elected to stay in the comfort of my bedroom and speak freely from the safety of being alone. I’m quite a shy person so speaking in a public area or library never crossed my mind. Being alone in my room enabled me to think for long periods of time without feeling rushed or inhibited by the wondering ears of strangers. My overall reaction to the Think-Aloud Protocol was not a positive one. Speaking aloud while writing caused me to stumble and I would go off on a tangent because I’m used to speaking in my head and not telling the world what goes on in my mind. If given a choice between speaking aloud or just writing I will choose to just write silently.
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ReplyDelete“Turning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision,” gives several examples of authors comparing their editing of writing to other actions. Authors such as John A. Williams and Maxine Kumin compared their editing to fixing things (p.259). This term was used from about 1973 to 1984. Fixing things is the metaphor that is least like a metaphor out of Tomlinson’s entire essay. When I think of editing a paper my mind immediately goes to fixing what is wrong. I know I make grammar mistakes and sometimes spelling errors when I’m writing on a topic that calls for a lot research. Therefore, I am “repairing” (John A. Williams, 1973) my words when I use spell check to do away with the red line under words. I am also “patching” (Christopher Isherwood, 1976) up a sentence when I go to reword it so that it will come across as a clear thought and do away with the green line under the entire sentence.
I decided to use the metaphor of a housing catching on fire and burning down to describe my writing and revision process. I thought of this metaphor when Professor Longhany gave us the task of drawing our writing process. I usually do not like to write because I think of myself as a bad writer who needs a great deal of improving. When the prompt is given that is the phase of the house starting to smoke. The smoke fills the house as I stare at the prompt trying to think of where or how to start. When I eventually start to write something the fire spreads throughout the house because most likely I don’t think what I’m writing is good enough for an acceptable grade or score. As I come to the close of the paper the house is nothing but ashes due to all its had to go through with my writing process. When it is finally time to edit my paper I am choosing the word “simmer” to create my metaphor. Simmer goes with my revising process because the sentences are settling down as I correct my grammar. Words are decreasing as I take away unnecessary information. Simmering usually refers to cooking when the water is boiling out and the ingredients thicken. This is what happens to my writing; therefore, the water is the words and information that throws the paper off track and the ingredients that come together are the main points of my argument.
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading your metaphor of your revision process. I feel as if most students can relate to a paper being assigned to a house starting on fire. I know I can relate to it because when I get something rigorous assigned to me I get stressed and feel overwhelmed, just ass one would feel if their house was on fire...but as I begin writing my stress goes away little by little until it is all gone... just as putting a fire out would make one feel.
DeleteThink Aloud Protocol:
ReplyDeleteI’m going to start out by looking for what a metaphor is because the prompt suggest that we really understand what one is so that we can fully address the question. Now I’m going to go to dicitionary.com and look up what a metaphor is. It says a metaphor is a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance. Or something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else; emblem; symbol. That pretty much says what I thought a metaphor was. So, I think I’m going to compare my writing…I’m going to compare it to what… to what I used when Professor Longhany told us to draw our writing. I drew well chose to compare it to a house catching on fire and burning down. I chose this comparison because I don’t think I’m a good writer. I don’t think I’m a great writer. I think my writing is average and could use a lot of improvement. So, as of now when I write it’s just like downhill. Once I get the prompt it goes downhill. I’m reading the prompt. I’ve read the prompt several times already and the prompt doesn’t seem hard it just seems that what he’s asking is for us to compare our writing with a metaphor. So I’m just going to write about the essay. Because the prompt says to consider Tomlinson. She writes about sewing, tying loose ends together some authors even say that painting is like their layers of writing. I’m going to begin writing but I’m also looking at other responses to get an idea of what I should write so, I’m not completely going in the wrong direction. I just finished my starting paragraph talking about the authors and background information. Now I’m going to start on my own comparison for my revisions.
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Upon listening to my protocol I realized that I should have used my phone to record because I was too far away from my laptop when talking, and it was hard to understand what I saying. I’ve noticed before when writing that I type exactly what I say. If a thought comes to my mind, I immediately type it or write it down so I will not forget it. Even if I spell something wrong or it’s grammatically incorrect, I just get it down to expand later. So, the think aloud protocol showed me that my writing doesn’t differ from my thoughts but I still don’t understand how it can be so hard for me to write if this is true. Maybe it is because I am not a creative person when it comes to writing so my mind naturally shuts down.
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ReplyDeleteTomlinson uses metaphors to describe the way people revise and compose their writing. He gives an example of eight metaphorical stories; refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things, and cutting. Each story explains people’s writing process. For example, painting is when a writer adds on layers of paint to produce a final product. The picture may start off with a certain shape but ends up with a totally different thing. Unlike sculpting, painting is adding on layers of text until the picture is complete, not cutting off and refining the text until the statue is complete.
My process of writing and revising is like molding clay. You start off with a lump of clay, big or small, depending on what you’re trying to make. Like my writing, the clay has no shape or form until you start molding it. Depending on the purpose of the writing, the writing can be long or short and there is no form until I have a plan. Once I have a plan, I start forming a story in my head. How can I go about this prompt in order to answer the quest? Like molding clay, you would have to know what you’re trying to make and you would have to make a plan on how you’re going to do it.
When molding clay, you usually form the main structure of the clay, the body. For example, if I was molding a snake, I would roll my clay into a long cylinder shape. After molding the body of the snake, you would add the eyes and the tongue. Then, you might use a sculpting knife to form the snake’s scales. Comparing to my writing process, I would write a sentence. After forming a sentence, I add on details. After having a full complete sentence with details, I would edit it.
For each sentences I write, it’s like molding a clay animal. I write down a sentence, add words to make it flow, then revise the sentence to make it complete. I might end up making a zoo full animals or a city full of cars. In the end, you bake the clays to solidify it, like my writing, I go back and do the last touches so it’s perfected.
This is my think aloud protocol. I’m going to read the prompt. Pause. I have to tie something about Thai literature and English literature together. I know a lot of Thai’s reading and writing have a lot of metaphors and symbolic meanings. I think this that helps me analyze my English reading. I’m going to write that down. Now, I’m just editing my sentence to make sure it goes together. Ok, I need to say that my English writing sucks because Thai’s grammar and English’s grammar does not go well together at all. Yea, I’m writing that down and editing it with what I said before. I think this is a good writing, I’m going to summarize what I said and then read through it to see if there is anymore editing I can do.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have my first thing down, I think I’m going to put FCAT down because that definitely influenced my writing somehow. It was the first thing that taught me how to write in paragraphs and such. I’m going to say that. Ok, so I’m going to edict this. What else can I say about how FCAT influence me? I don’t think there’s anything else. I’m going back to edict it again.
I have two things down and it seem pretty short. I’m going to have to add something else. Something about teachers that influenced my writing, maybe? There’s only one teacher that really influenced my writing, but it’s like the FCAT thing. He only taught me a different writing structure. I need something else. Oh yea, I had some tutoring from like four places. I should say that those tutors influenced my reading and writing too. I’m writing that down. Now, I have to say something about how they each influenced me. I’m going to talk about what I like about the English’s language too. I’m going back to edit my previous sentences. There was this one example that my tutor gave me. It was about something with the word enormous. I think it was about how the word was use. I remember thinking it was really cool. Ok, I’m going to write that down. I’m going back to edit everything in the essay.
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The think aloud protocol was awkward. I was forcing myself to talk and I feel pretty stupid. I notice I go back and edit while I write a lot, but I already know that. However, I didn’t go back and edit as much as I have previously thought. I’m not sure if there is a pattern to my think aloud protocol. I believe that the think aloud protocol made my writing process a lot longer. I had to think about what I had to say more than what I have to write. I was inclined to talk about my writing rather than focusing on my actual writing. This might have a negative effect on my think aloud protocol writing and it might not reflect what my actual writing style and patterns are. I’m not really sure if the think aloud protocol was effected for me.
0037 (Part 1)
ReplyDeleteAs I continued to read the different types of metaphors that different authors had applied to their revision process only one activity came to mind for my own: map making. Map making is a tedious, frustrating, and dangerous process that requires a huge amount of focus. If one small miscalculation is made the entire map is faulty. When I begin going back over what I’ve written in an effort to revise it’s always an interesting experience. I usually don’t think about what it is that I’m writing as I write, the words and ideas simply fall out of me, so revision is really the first point at which I step back and look at everything I’ve written as a whole rather than bullet points of ideas. It is very much uncharted land, I’m never sure what I’m going to find. But as I go along I’ll stop if I find something I don’t like or something that could be better said. A large chunk of my revision in my creative writing involves adding more to the work as a whole than taking out. But choosing where things need to be added or what sections of my writing need work is a hard thing to decide. I will read my writing three or four times before I’ve settled on adding a bit of description or dialogue. The adding of these pieces are a bit tough, because unlike when I wrote the original piece I was able to base what I was writing only on what was already in the piece. As I add, I have to take into account what comes before and what comes after the addition and craft the addition so that it fits perfectly into the original. If it doesn’t, the entire piece can be thrown off and seem a bit choppy. Adding description in the revision process is considerably less flexible and open ended than writing the original, which is why I find it so difficult.
I try to revise while I am still crafting the piece, so the original is very much vague and unclear land. But as I revise and continue writing the map gets more and more intricate and accurate. By the time the writing is finished it has also been revised, and so the map is fully functional.
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“Okay so. I’m working on my think aloud protocol and I am currently typing my name at the top. ‘Kayla Cayasso’s Think Aloud Protocol Literacy Narrative’. Okay. So the main point that I was trying to make in my literacy narrative err literacy profile was that culture greatly influences like a main influence in your style of writing as well as your literacy obviously. So that’s what I’m gonna focus on the different types of cultures that influenced my literacy. I have music literacy, I have creative writing that culture. I have the Hispanic culture that I grew up with and the Bajan culture that I grew up with. The culture of American politics. British culture. Like what I watch on TV. British pop culture, American pop culture. So those are the main cultures I’m gonna focus on. I’m just jotting down all my thoughts. So first, let’s start with the opening sentence. ‘Culture is a main influence in one’s literacy, if not the deciding influence.’ Cause like even learning about music how to read and write music, holding sheet music really influenced the possibilities and the perceived possibilities I could have as a writer. I think that’s good. I’ll use that. Oh this is going great. So there are various cultures.
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ReplyDeleteUm. Like. I was gonna focus on like how these cultures influence different parts of your life and how those different parts of our lives that are that are influenced by culture influence our literacy. So like it’s all kind of roundabout. Um. Oh man it’s only been 4 minutes. I need to find some stuff to talk about. Like I already talked about music culture but my Hispanic culture because it’s so completely different from, you know, Anglo culture, it emphasizes different things that show through in my writing. Because in my Hispanic culture like family is such a main point, like the father, the man of the family, is considered the head of the family. That influences how I see my writing and how I see and characterize male figures in my writing. But on the flip side I’m also Bajan. Because I’m Bajan a lot of influence in Barbados and through most African American cultures the woman is considered the head of the family. So I have these two clashing views that really help me um create characterization. So like all of the main female characters, which there aren’t a lot. Most of my characters are male, now that I think about it which is really weird. Like it says something about my um the influence that my culture has had on my writing to begin with. That I have so many male characters instead of female characters. But all of my female characters have been like, I wouldn’t says motherly figures, but they’ve all had that like sense of home. Like all the characters that were meant to anyway. Like all the female characters have this sense of home, like they know what the hell is happening and how to handle the situation even when they really don’t. Versus my main characters that like they may not always understand the situation that they’re put in in my stories but they do sort of represent that sort of figure that you can look up too. And then there’s like the culture that I’m influenced by when it comes to being a woman. Like being a woman vs. being a man really influences what I’m writing. Especially what I’m working on now. Like, I’m writing all about feminism and racism and sexism in this one […]
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ReplyDeleteUm like being a woman makes me see culture differently not just female culture but like American culture. So like being not necessarily ridiculed but being discriminated against because I’m a woman and the problems that women have to deal with on a daily basis and the problems I have had to deal with through my life help me write in a way that reveals that. Maybe not always in my creative writing but definitely in my opinion writing. I can write about my opinion writing too. Um. ‘Opinion writing reveals the influence of racial cultural influence and influence from being a woman.’ And then like the political culture of America. Because I’m so involved well not involved but intrigued by politics, like it’s my major so I want to have a lot to do with it, because I’m a part of so many different cultures that are all minorities. Like I’m a part of the Hispanic culture, I’m part of black culture, I’m part of female culture, I’m part of LGBT culture, I’m part of middle class culture. Because of all of these minority cultures that I’m a part of, those influence how I approach and view political culture. Let me write that down. Cause like politics, particularly American politics is ruled vastly by class distinctions. Like the middle class and then the 1 percent. And class structures in America are ruled primarily by racial identity. Which is why most of the middle class well let me just scratch that that’s why most of the 1 percent are mostly white men who have always been upper class who have never really had this issue with like they’re all wealthy white protestant men. So you can see how like the racial differences effect politics and that leads into how I write about politics when I’m writing like opinion blogs and things like that like when I’m submitting to an opinion blog most of my submissions have to do with race or sexual orientation or gender. Because those are the things that are important to me so like, I also use those things in my regular writing. Like the thing I’m working on right now with the display of sexism that I talked about earlier like there are four different types of cultures. […] Um I mentioned that I’m part of the LGBT culture earlier. Um because like I’m not gonna give backstory because it’s not important. But being a part of the LGBT culture influences me not in the same way as being black or a woman but along that same pathway. Like I’m a minority and because I’m so many minorities really so I can view certain situations and actions from others in certain ways and not all of them are the same through the goggles of every culture[...] I may not be gay but because I’m part of that culture, I’m not able to fully understand because that’s not me, I’m not gay but I’m able to empathize in something that’s important to me. So I write about it. Especially in my opinion posts. That’s mostly what the posts are about gay rights. As someone who is pansexual and someone’s who sexuality is debated about even existing or not. It’s something that’s important to me that the culture of pansexuality is seen as different of the culture of bisexuality. But because we’re all part of this community in which we’re all discriminated against in the same way that makes us a unified culture and that unity that cultural identity of being discriminated against because we may love someone who isn’t the same gender or who isn’t of any gender or someone who was born as a man but is now a woman or vise versa that feeling of I guess bitterness is the best I can describe it sits not too well on your tongue. […] So I keep and hold theses little specks and memories in my head specifically for times when I need them when I’m writing.
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Delete0037 (Part 4)
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I noticed that my thinking process had a more structured set up than I previously thought. During the think aloud process I moved from one point to the next rather than jump from point to point and back again. I think talking through the planning and brainstorming process helped me organize my thoughts in a more organized fashion that will definitely help me writing the essay. Doing the protocol really revealed how vocalizing my thoughts can give the brainstorming process a more useful shape. I also noticed that I tended to provide more examples to explain my ideas than when I don’t talk aloud. I really enjoyed doing the protocol even though it was a bit awkward at the beginning, I feel it gave me a better understanding of my own writing process and helped me craft the essay as a whole. I’m thinking about doing this again in the future because it was so helpful this time around.
To really understand how a metaphor works, one must know the definition of what a metaphor is. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, a metaphor is defined as a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them. Metaphors can be used to describe many things in life. Barbara Tomlinson uses metaphors to describe her writing process. I can also use a metaphor to describe my writing process. When I think of my writing process I think of a seed. The end product of that seed depends on what kind of care I give to that seed. The same goes for my writing. If I wait until last minute or don’t care about my writing then obviously the end product is not going to be my best work. However, if I care and spend time on my writing then it can be produced into a beautiful piece of work. Just like if I treat the seed with care it will blossom into a beautiful flower.
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ReplyDeleteAfter reading “Turning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision” I realized that we use metaphors in everyday life all the time. Lakoff and Johnson said that we “ draw inferences, set goals, make commitments, and execute plans, all on the basis of how we structure our experience, consciously and unconsciously, by means of metaphor.” I agree with this statement because if we use a negative metaphor like cutting up or axing our work, like Henry Miller, we look at it in a negative way. If you used a word like repairing or renovating instead of axing apart then we unconsciously look at it in a positive way. Metaphors play a big part in our writing and revision process; we sculpt, paint, sew, tailor, cut, cast, recast and refine our essays. My metaphor for my writing process would be baking a cake. You start out with the basic ingredients, milk, eggs, cake mix, etc. and your bake the cake. The revision process starts when you take the cake out of the oven and let it cool off. Adding the frosting, writing, and candles on top of the cake are the final touches. The cake fresh out of the oven, with nothing on it, is the rough draft. Once you add everything else, perfect it, and make it look good you have your final product.
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Catherine Rucker
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I like you metaphor. It reminds me of the 'Sculpting' portiion of the reading. Baking the cake is like constructing your base (the composing process), then when you add on your frosting,, its like 'chiseling' out the details and refining your work until it's exactly the way you want it to be.
I like that you brought up the fact that we use metaphors everyday in our lives. People do not realize how much metaphors are used in everyday language. Simply comparing one thing to something else is a metaphor. Once you start to think about how metaphors really influence your life you begin to realize little by little how much of our language is based off of them.
DeleteI agree with your take on making the process look negative if you compare it to a long, boring or rigorous action. While reading Tomlinson's work I noticed myself relating more to the metaphors that compared writing to harder actions, because it takes a while for writing to come to me. I also like your metaphor because I haven't read anything similar to it yet, most people are writing about plants and no offense but I don't find that as an out of the box metaphor. Yours, on the other hand is very unique! I like how I can visually see both someone typing up a paper and finishing it up, and also see a baker a publix putting the finishing touches on an amazing cake!
DeleteAll right, this is my think aloud protocol. I’m going to start off by typing my name in the header “Cole Beene” followed by the date. Now to start my narrative I’m going to talk about my main sponsor of my reading…My parents. I’m looking at my literacy profile to see what I’ve written about my parents,…now I’m typing everything out. Now it’s hard to expand on this because I have very little memory of my childhood. The prompt says to write about what you remember being your earliest form of literacy. My parents and brother can’t believe some of the things I can’t remember, even going to another country, I don’t remember going over seas to England and seeing the Tower of London. But, going back to my narrative the main thing/the main experience I remember as my first time reading was with my parents. I’m now writing down the first books I remember, I think Dr. Seuss, some of his books, I’ll have to look up Dr. Seuss on Google. So yeah, I think The Cat in The Hat was the first book my parents read to me, It might have also been Green Eggs and Ham, but I also remember reading The Giving Tree as a kid with my parents. So, I’ve written all of this down….now I’m thinking about my sponsors at school I can’t remember my teacher’s name, but I remember having to write on large lined paper. I remember the lines being about an inch wide with dotted lines in the middle so you could gage how well you were shaping your letters, I’m writing this down now…..So that was how I physically learned to write, but one teacher I remember from middle school that really changed the way I wrote, was my English teacher, Ms. T. Thompson. I hated her when I had the class, but looking at what I learned I can honestly say she did her job as a teacher. I remember her holding us back at the end of class and requiring the whole class to go to lunch detention in her room, even though I wasn’t a bad student in her class…This really helped my writing though, because she made us either read or write at lunch instead of just sitting there silent. So, I’m going to start a new topic and write about how Ms. T. Thompson was a big sponsor in my literacy development. All of the writing I did in her class didn’t make writing easy, but over time mentally I was able to write a page or a page and a half easier because I had done it so many times before. The act of writing didn’t become easier, but I was used to it. Starting a new point…I think my teacher’s were a huge reason why I have never enjoyed writing. The reading program I had in middle school forced me to read, but because I could read whatever I wanted I actually enjoyed reading. Now, I need to find a main point for my narrative, I think that my main point is that my sponsors attitude and whether they made it enjoyable or not. If you enjoy what you do you will be better at it.
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My opinion on the think aloud protocol isn’t as bad as a lot of people are saying. I guess it really depends on your personality, but I didn’t find it that awkward. I had no problem verbalizing my thoughts. I do think it’s a waste of time and I found that having to say what I’m thinking stopped the flow of my writing. I noticed that when talking I go off topic a little more, where as when I’m writing my thoughts straight down on paper I stay on topic and my writing flows better. There are some positives to the think aloud protocol, if I wasn’t writing my narrative, but rather verbally thinking and using the recording as my narrative it would include a lot more information, but also more information that was irrelevant to the topic. I noticed that when I was composing it was harder for me to concentrate when I had to verbalize my thoughts. One thing about my writing process that I noticed was that once I get to the end of what I have to say about a topic, I quickly move to a new one. I need to start expanding a little more before moving on to the next thing.
I enjoyed reading your metaphor about baking a cake. I found it a very intriguing way to look at your writing process.
DeleteCatherine Rucker
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Part 1
In this text, the researcher, Tomlinson, presents eight different examples of metaphorical stories used by authors to describe their individual revising processes. In the stories, the authors reference their refining processes to physical and artistic instances such as refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things, and cutting. For the first section, an author named James Dickey explained that his revising process is much like refining ore. Rather than focusing so much on the ‘ore’ aspect of his writing, he prefers to concentrate on transforming the low-grade material into something more valuable. He describes the process as ‘dubious’ and ‘back-breaking’ but he feels as though after tending to it, his writing could be just as golden and valuable as the ‘nuggets’, or other pieces of writing, that are naturally good without constant editing. Tomlinson then describes many authors that think of their revising process similar to casting wax material. They think of the composing process as ‘molten’ and ‘flexible’ to re-working. That portion was called the ‘casting and recasting’ process. ‘Sculpting’ is described by Tomlinson as a reformulation of a text. Authors focus on creating a solid form of text, then go back to ‘chisel’ in the finer details. However, Tomlinson did forewarn about the consequences of what she called adding ‘premature’ details or strokes because they could really damage the text overall. The ‘painting’ metaphor shows that the author is able to change the essence of his or her piece of work at any stage of the composing process. ‘Sewing and tailoring’ talks about how you have the ability to insert important sections into your work even when it’s almost complete. It also says that it’s alright to make room for adjustments to suit whatever purpose or audience the author has in mind. I believe that the ‘Tying things off’ section goes hand-in-hand with the sewing portion of the research because it also talks about going back into the text to make the small changes that are necessary to making the text decent and presentable. This leads into the ‘fixing things’ section which talks about how it’s not bad to make the necessary changes needed for your text, but it might take time to solve those problems. Finally there is the ‘cutting’ portion of the text which talks about severing the ‘dead’ parts from those that are still functional and have purpose to make the writing good as a whole. The metaphor I believe I would use would probably be: ‘Writing can be like singing a melody. It is difficult and even strenuous trying to get the notes to come to together to make cohesive pitches. But after practicing over and over, and learning to fine tune your ear, you learn how to pinpoint that right note every time without any effort.’ This means that if I continue to try and make my writing the best it can be, it might be difficult, but in the end, if I don’t give up too quickly, it will all flow together very nicely.
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Catherine Rucker
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Part 2
When I began my think aloud protocol, I had no idea what I was doing. I was mostly just blathering to myself about how I had no clue as to where to begin. I said my name, and typed it down, which I believe you can hear in the recording, but after that I was really at a loss of what to do. I looked at the prompt, read it aloud, and pondered about where I wanted to begin in my first paragraph. Then I proceeded to fuss at myself for not being able to think quickly while composing and at Mr. Longhany for making this paper due so early. Continuing to fume at my slow writing skills and at the fact that high school didn’t prepare me for the spur of the moment papers that seem to be due on a daily basis, I begin to review my literacy profile to see if I could somehow inspire myself to begin. Ultimately I started typing my first paragraph thinking it would be wise to begin at the beginning, and to talk about everything I could remember from my childhood. The rest of my narrative kind of continued on in the same fashion. I looked at each section of my literacy profile, and proceeded to try to talk everything out while typing it on my computer.
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I was completely apprehensive about listening to my recording. I don’t like the sound of my voice because I feel like I sound like a five year old child. I also felt as though it was forced. I don’t feel as though talking through my writing process actually helped me at all, it just felt as though I was focused so much on trying to come up with something to say, rather than just writing down my thoughts as they came. It was like I couldn’t write and talk at the same time; I was almost distracting myself. Hopefully, this is the last assignment where it’s required to speak aloud and record our thoughts while writing, because this process certainly doesn’t work for everyone.
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ReplyDeleteAfter reading Tomlinson’s writing "Metaphors for Revision" I had a much greater understand for what a metaphor was and how I could use one. After reading my definition of a metaphor was something that used something completely unrelated to describe something. The dictionary.com definition was “a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance”. The two definitions are very similar, so I believe Tomlinson did an excellent job in defining this figure of speech as well as presenting examples that apply it to the process of revision. The metaphor I thought of was “cleaning” because it consists of many things that I do every time that I revise. For example, I “vacuum” the excess dirt in the writing to for a clean story. Someone wouldn’t want to casually walk through a kitchen with dirt everywhere, but once it’s “cleaned” up you can walk right through the kitchen just like you can read right through the story once it’s revised this way. I would group this type of revision into the same group as “fixing”, “sewing”, and “tying off”, all that “suggest revising as a process of smaller-scale or late-stage changes” as Tomlinson would describe this type of revision. I believe the eight revising metaphors listed in the passage greatly influenced my metaphor.
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My think-aloud protocol began in an organized well thought out manner, I had ideas I would just planting into my memory before I started writing and all was going well. Once I got past my first sentence in my introductory paragraph I was stuck. I started saying possible sentence ideas out loud, try to hint what I would talk about in my story without spoiling anything but still getting ideas in there. After a few minutes of pondering I was able to write everything down in a quick, concise manner. From there I was able to take the first idea I had hinted and really elaborate on it, talking through my ideas and writing at about the same speed. There was a brief pause between each body paragraph to settle on what and how I would write the next paragraph but once that thought process commenced, words just flowed right onto the page. The process of writing the conclusion paragraph was similar to that of the introductory paragraph. I noticed that I almost always try to put a moral or meaningful sentence into my conclusion paragraph, so I did that towards the end of the paragraph but I started out with a summary and analysis of my ideas and writing. My conclusion was finished I stopped my think-aloud protocol to catch my breath and realize what my brain really does.
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My think-aloud protocol made me realize how my writing was really structured, and that I write this way most times that I write. Though I did learn from it, and it was something that I think is good to experience, I don’t feel that the quality of my writing actually received any benefit from it. I noticed that I tend to focus on how I am writing more than what I am writing. I can’t stand jumbled ideas in my writing but most of my ideas that I use are interesting to me, though they might not be to the reader, which is what really matters. I often revise the format as I write but once I decide on what I will write about I just run away with it.
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Barbara Tomlinson showed how metaphors play a significant role during the revision of a writing. Her metaphors were simplistic outlines for other author's in depth metaphors which she cited in her document. These outlines could be divided into two categories. One category being major detail change and the second category being minor detail change. But I don't feel that is import, it is simply just there. What I did notice while reading this article was all of Tomlinson's metaphors can be related to an art form. The obvious ones are sculpting painting, cutting (I mean who hasn't cut in art class), and sewing and tailoring: these three all have direct links to art. The metaphor of refining ore can also be related to art because it is the art of transforming an earth's element into something usable, art is the same thing turning paper and color into something desirable to look at. Tying things off and fixing things are also indirectly related to an art form in the way that these are the perfecting stages of an artist at work. All of the metaphors given by not only Tomlinson but the authors she was quoting as well have relations to an article of writing being art and the revising process of a writer on a paper is relatable to that of an artist 'touching up' an artwork. For me, my revision process is most like cleaning my saddle after I ride my horse. Meaning, I do not hack away or sculpt my writing, I clean it. I normally write to write, its a feeling inside me that I get, so for me, doing anything other than cleaning it or tidying it up defeats the whole purpose for which I was originally writing for.
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Ok, well I first read the prompt in front of me, used the copy and paste button to copy and paste the first section of it into my Pages document. I deleted unneeded words such as certainly or any sentence that just stated a fact. Thus, I simplified the prompt to the point of only having in front of me what was needed to write my blog entry. I reread the prompt, stop and thought for a moment. Skimmed back over the bold words in the reading and hit it that they were all related or could be related to art. I thought it to be a strong argument at first but became self conscious about how I couldn't seem to end it or tie it into something else. So I paused and thought about how to better it. I didn't think of anything so I awkwardly went to my my metaphor. I looked around my room having a non-focused moment and saw my dirty saddle that I needed to clean and oil and thought that would be a nice metaphor. I described how and why cleaning was my metaphor. I paused and stated that it seemed lame after I wrote it, but at the same time I liked it. It made sense to me. I went back to check for minor mistakes. and I moved onto the next prompt. And repeated the simplifying the prompt process.
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My think aloud protocol, oh boy. I felt very awkward doing it, I tend to be a more quiet person so actually voicing myself was very different for me. I have a big problem with being self conscious about my writing. In my head I think I have great ideas and then once I said them aloud and put them on paper in front of me I got concerned of what other people where going to think, more so than when I simply just wrote everything down and submitted it. I also noticed how methodical I am when I write. I had to dumb everything down before I would start writing. Such as, simplifying the prompt, I wrote a flow chart on the entire article, and then I came up with a bulleted list of how to organize some things. I also realized that I don't really go back and read my writing very much. I just continue and continue to write and never really stop and go back, I stop and pause but never go back. Also doing this made me feel very rushed writing because I didn't want to stop for too long. I felt the need to keep talking and write faster because of it. Doing this has made me realize that maybe I need to slow down sometimes and go back over things to try to improve on what I'm doing.
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Basketball Game
My revision process is like an athlete on the basketball court. The task is to complete the game, and that is all I focus on. I involve myself 100%, and don’t worry about other things going on around me. I let it come to me and let me body convey my thoughts for me. As with a basketball game, no major changes can be done until the game is over. The only changes that can be made are small, minute ones in timeouts. I observe my small error, fix it, and then am back on the court again fully involved to the finish. Once the game is over is when I let a deep sigh of relief out and begin to reflect. Basketball, and writing too, is only reflected upon when all is said and done. I make small grammatical changes throughout the process, but only once I am done do I go back and see major areas where I can improve. This way I can be fully engaged in the game (writing) and still come out exactly where I want to be.
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First Thoughts
“Alright, this is my first think-aloud thing. I did some of the narrative before I knew we were recording it, so, I am a little bit far-into it. But I can do what I have left. I started the beginning of it with my parents, how they read to me and stuff (at an early age) and then I did a section on me getting weaned off of that and getting more into like, reading on my own, like short stories on my own. Stuff like that. And then I wrote about how in middle school and elementary school, I competed with one of my friends for grades, and all that kind of stuff. It really pushed me to excel in things like reading and writing. And in elementary school and early middle school, that’s about all you have to go off of for how smart you are at that point in your life. It’s ‘what level are you reading at’ or ‘how good you do on tests and whatever’. And I don’t know where to go from here; I’m a little confused right now. Just thinking… that I’m gonna have to find somewhere to go from here.”
Second Recording
“So I started a new section called ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’, talking about how the things I did when I was younger and how they translate and keep up into my life now. Like how a certain book I read when I was younger might have sparked an interest and now is a passion of mine.”
Third Recording
“Working my way through the ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’ section, talking about how early stories I read when I was a kid, like adventure stories, I really liked that kind of stuff. And that like these ancient, historical-fiction stories really intrigued me. And now days, I really (I’m not a history major) but I really like reading history stories. Like the history subject. And I feel like my early interest in reading these stories lead to me actually enjoying the history subject now days.”
Fourth Recording
“This is my fourth one. I just finished up the ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’. Still not feeling the greatest, so not feeling a whole lot of motivation to do this except for the fact its due tomorrow. So I may not be putting in quite as much effort or elegance into my sections now compared to the three I did before I started recording these.”
Fifth Recording
“This is my fifth one. I’m entitling my last point ‘What Literacy Means to Me’. Or my last, I don’t know. Whatever. I’m really tired and that’s probably not helping either, but I feel like it’s going pretty good actually. I don’t feel like I’m producing crap. But I’m talking about how it kinda ties into from the ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’ and it’s just talking about how, what literacy means to me and what it has meant to my life, and how I use it now.”
Sixth Recording
“So I just, I feel like I’m done. I haven’t really looked through these last couple ones very well yet, for like grammatical wording and stuff like that. But I feel like I did pretty good! I’m pretty excited I got it done! I’m tired, I got a lot on my mind, and I wanna go get some rest for class all day tomorrow. And yeah. I wasn’t really looking forward to this tonight but once I actually started working it started coming out really good, and my last section ‘What Literacy Means to Me’ I feel like I did really well on! So overall I feel like I did good.”
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ReplyDeleteWhat I find as significant while reviewing my think-aloud protocol is that I spend a lot of time just writing. In many of the texts we read, I learn about people who just plain overthink writing. Seriously, all writing is is making words; putting thoughts into a chronological or relevant scheme. When I write I know what I want to say and I just write. I get an idea of what I want to say in a certain paragraph or section and then I just let the thoughts go into typing. There is no stressing or overthinking, and if I ever feel stuck at some point I just go and do another activity until I feel mentally ready to continue. This care-free approach really, I feel, helps me avoid overthinking things, writer’s block, or other negative aspects of writing. It allows me to just be myself and do what I have so much confidence in, which is writing.
My composing process is fairly straightforward. As I mentioned before, I really focused on just getting a general idea of what I want to talk about in a section and I just write. Writing comes naturally to me. One trend I noticed is that I made small grammatical errors that irritate me go away as soon as I noticed them, but that is as far as my revising went until I finished the section. Once I get done writing the whole section is when I would briefly look it over. I like my paper to look neat, so those little red and green squiggly lines that Word displays don’t last long while I’m typing.
The only real factor that impacts my composing process is myself. My attention span is my biggest enemy when writing. While not incredibly hard to overcome some days I purely don’t feel like writing and that’s when I feel I may rush my writing to get it done with. While I feel I still put in a great effort, I can only guess that my writing wouldn’t be as good as if I was 100% mentally into it. That’s just logical to assume. Other than that, I don’t feel that many factors affect my composing process.
The process of the think-aloud protocol impacted me by making me slow down while writing. I honestly feel it took away from what I was writing. As with a sports game an athlete must be all-in to the game to be at his or her best. While I was writing my narrative, having to stop every 3 or 4 minutes really bugged me. I feel like at times it took me out of my writing groove. Athletes describe the feeling of complete loss of awareness where they are 100% into the game both mentally and physically, and feeling like they can do no wrong, as “white moments”. To achieve these “white moments” one cannot be distracted by outside things. Well, to stop every 4 minutes to talk about what I was doing so well without talking prevented me from having any sort of writing “white moment”. Although I wouldn’t quite compare writing to playing in a sports game, my point is the same. I felt like the think-aloud protocol may have hindered me more than help me understand myself better.
Your comparison to a sports athlete in the heat of the moment in a game was really interesting Devin. I can sympathize with you in the fact that this thinking-aloud protocol really slowed down the overall writing process. I'm kind of like you in the aspect of when I write I get lost in a "white moment" as you stated. That moment when you absolutely are on a roll and can write for paragraphs without a single block is like a writer's wet dream and i agree that the thinking aloud aspect of this assignment really hampered both of our abilities to express ourselves more thoroughly in the allowed recording time.
DeleteTravis Badall - 0037
ReplyDeleteI honestly had no clue there were so many different ways to look at revising. In Tomilson's piece, "Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts," She talks about eight different metaphors that describe the revision process. Four of them look at the writing process as a whole and refining it to make your point. The other four look revision process at a smaller scale. Basically, you already have a basic foundation, you just need to "tinker" or "repair" minor errors. Tomilson's point is that even though these metaphors describe different ways to look at the revision process, all of them are important so others may be able to develop an understand on how they revise or on how others around them revise.
The metaphor that I came up with for my revision process is building a house. You need to have a strong foundation first. Whether you have previous knowledge or you need to research the topic, you need to have a good familiarity with the piece, before you start writing. The foundation may even include the brainstorming process .You need to at least know the general layout of how it's going to look and what it's going to be built on. The next step is the support. Going off of the foundations, you build up what the house is going to look like. You have to double check your previous work, not only because you're gonna be building on top that, you want to make sure everything flows together and everything was put in right. The last step is decorations. This is the part where you can customize how your house looks. In terms of the paper, you can replace certain words, or rewrite sentences, add more details, etc. When you're all done, the house is finished, and has a touch of your personality.
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I would post my whole Think-Aloud Protocol, but it will be way too long, so I'm going to post a section of it: My current reading and writing ummm experiences? No, outlooks. My current reading and writing outlooks at this moment are still pretty low. Usually most people have their ups and downs with reading and writing, i.e. ups during elementary school, downs during middle school..I'm not sure how this gonna turn out, the "i.e." part, I might just delete it, I just wanna see how it looks. When I finish this paragraph, I'll go back to it. And usually back up during high school. My experiences however did not bounce back...My outlook? Not really experience..I guess I'll just look up the thesaurus on here on this word. Ummm, knowledge, nope. Understanding? No. Familiarity? Skills? No. How about outlooks? Im gonna look up outlooks. My attitudes? Yeah, thats a good one. My attitudes did not change after middle or high school. When I found out that I take ENC 1101/1102, I started..I started to dread it? What's synonyms for dread? Let's look it up! Fear, anxiety, oh! Not looking forward to, there we go. Not looking forward to taking them and already had a negative connotation when I thought of these classes. Alright, Control+S.
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I noticed that I stopped very often to make revisions. For the most part, they were minor revisions, like a word change or changing how a sentence sounded. I focused on trying to clean up everything the first time through so I wouldnt have to go back it later and change it. Although I did benefit from the Think Aloud Protocol by learning about my writing style, I ultimately think it hindered me. Since I was speaking my thoughts aloud, as if I were talking to someone, I felt the need to keep clarifying my thoughts so if there was someone, they would understand what I was thinking. In the end, I think that slowed me down because I wasn't able to get all my ideas out because I had to stop and clarify the previous thought.
Blake Anderson
ReplyDelete0119
“Revising an essay or a piece of literary work, to me is much like the simple calming yet potentially dreadful act of constructing art. What some could use many words to call drawing, could be an act for all ages. From our years of childhood and coloring books to those who peruse degrees in art, drawing is something we all have come across in our lives, whether we are talented or utterly terrible. Some may find this work painstakingly difficult due to their lack of skills and some may find it to be a way of perfection and satisfaction. No matter whom the artist is, one will challenge themselves and to their own degree create the meanings from the largest general idea to the small details of shading and colors. Turning a blank canvas to a “masterpiece” is no simple task, and once the creator is finished, usually satisfied, there is always a lingering feeling that there is someone who does not express the same feelings that he does on his creations…..”
As an artist myself I feel that, no matter what it may be, putting art on a blank canvas is an act of revision itself, revising the paper. The beginning of my metaphor focused on how I learned to draw as a child, through coloring books. This relates to when I learned to revise my writings. These revision were as simply as a missing or incorrect letter but isn’t that as simple as coloring in the lines? As my artistic abilities developed so did my revisions. I drew better, finer, more extravagant pictures; I could use the same adjectives for my writings as well. Being that I take pride in my work, I spend many hours both correcting and revising essays and adding the finishing touches and erasing the ugly marks on my canvas, a perfectionist if I say so myself. As I wrote the endings of my metaphor I wanted to focus on the fact that my abilities in both drawing and revising are limited. I can only extend as far as my artistic abilities, vocabulary, grammar and creativity can take me. All in all, I may love my art work, the fine lines, the intricate details, even the largest splashes of color, but of course not everyone has the same tastes as me and just like my writings, not all of their readers seem to think they at “100%” like I think they are...
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ReplyDeleteStart essay rough draft on Sept 8. 1:07 PM. I am little skeptical about the Thinking Protocol idea because I have never done it before and I feel like I would be distracted as I type and talk at the same time. I am probably going to not write or focus as well because I am going to get bored of writing and since I have no music playing because of the recording I am going to lose focus a lot. Either way I am trying to get through a couple paragraphs. I do not have a title yet for my essay but I am thinking of one. One of my ideas is to start my essay the same way I did my Literacy Profile. It is basically a background of me and my over thoughts and experiences of who I am as a whole. My first paragraph in my literacy of profile is about me having a great sense of self-regard and respect. That is one of the most important things in my life and it is the foundation of the way I present myself to others. I also present my work in the same manner; I take pride in it. So I am going to start off my basically re writing my first paragraph. I have my Literacy Profile in front of me as I type reminding myself of the topic of the essay so I do not get distracted and off topic. I feel rewriting my first paragraph would be a great start to my rough draft. I am sure that it will not stay the same and I will alter it in some way. Even through the peer revising we did in class of Thursday, the person who revised my Literacy Profile saw that my self-image is a very important aspect of my life and literacy sponsorship. Thinking back to what we did the past few classes I realize that I also worry a lot about the format of my essay and not so much the content. I do focus on the content as well but this usually causes me to take longer to write my essays. But I do have my Literacy Profile in front of me and I am using it as a rough draft.
Having this rough draft and actually reading through it now instead of just typing it has caused me to actually realize what I am writing and notice my grammatically errors, some of which I have already found and corrected. This also lead me to think that my first paragraph is too short so I going to go back to it and see if I can go back to it and add more. I am actually somewhat satisfied with my first paragraph and I will probably go back and change as I mention before or sometime throughout writing this I will generate more ideas that will correlate with the topic of that paragraph and I could add them at that time. I am going to do the same thing for my second paragraph in which I will re type that same thing that is on my Literacy Profile because It worked so well on my intro paragraph. As I read through my second paragraph and I read it more for content than corrections, I realize there were more experiences in elementary school than I had just listed and I am going to add them into my second paragraph for more content pertaining to sponsors of literacy. I am actually creating a third paragraph instead of adding to second. Now two of my three pertain to early development and I remember that when my teacher would go over the reading and writing portions of the lessons every day, she would send me to and upper level classroom, fourth grade rooms, and I would read with them because I was on an excelled level. I don’t remember why or how this happened but I do remember the general idea and that I was excelled. As you read my essay you will realize this may not have been the best thing for me. I have finished with my third paragraph and I am actually quite satisfied with it because I feel it gets across my points better than my other paragraphs and I sort of brings in a new aspect of my sponsors which I had difficulty getting across in my Profile.
ReplyDeleteBeing that this is rough draft I normally would not try to finalize my essay because I know I will have to go back and revise. I do like doing rough drafts because it gives me a place to start from and most of the time revision from teachers or students may help because even though you may have the same ideas that might be able to word it in different ways which could help you get your point across. Writing essays I focus on the words I use to get my point across which also causes me to take a little bit longer to write my essays. Just one word could hold me back for a minute or two or on sentence could stop and entire paragraph for me. Yes it does take me longer to write but I feel like it is worth it because it helps me to get my point across and because people don’t perceive things the same way you do in your own head, this wording may help them realize what I am trying to say. So this new paragraph is helping my write my essay, and since this is my second rough draft this essay is becoming much better than I initially anticipated. Now I am going to move on to my middle aged I guess you could say. In middle school and in my early years of being a teenager not much had happened in my life other than me becoming who I was but the main point for this paragraph is a smooth transition into my high school years where most of my sponsorship happened. I feel like my high school section will be the biggest part of my essay because that is the age where I feel most people are inspired and they discover what they want to do. I am probably going to have a paragraph for each of my four high school years because of all the content that it could possibly consist. Re reading through my Literacy Profile I realize that I typed up my essay into separate paragraphs. I guess the only reason why it doesn’t seem like a rough draft is because it wasn’t instructed to be one and all it is formatted with titles for each section. I guess the way I think is to type straight through it as it was an essay so of made it this way. Doing this actually made it easier to find my content of my essay because I broke it up into sections with a main focus and I did not focus on the format of the essay so I was not distracted for the content.
ReplyDelete. I only planned on doing twenty minutes of recording but I have just reached twenty one minutes and I feel like I can go much longer, probably get through my entire middle school career and I will probably take a break and type up my recordings. If I feel like my recordings aren’t long enough I will probably go back and record even more. In my very last sentence I have extended and I just I explained early I had trouble wording it correctly and I have spent already about a minute trying to figure out what word I want to use. I am spending a little more time on this that I want to because I have not figured out the answer to my problem as a writer. I have finally finished it and actually I needed to “dumb down” the words a little but to get my true meaning across. This is actually the first time I have used the synonyms option that word offers and this surprised me because I typically use this a lot, and I know it’s not that important because this pertains to the format not the content of the essay but I feel if it is as easy as a rick click I might as well abuse it and get everything I can out of it. I have almost completed using about half of my Literacy Profile but not half of my essay because I am sure I am going to extend it, mainly the high school section. I am also contemplating on my last paragraph that is in my literacy profile because I am not exactly sure where I would fight this in my essay, especially with the direction that I am taking it now. I also feel like I need to fit it in because it is more of who I am now and the end result of what this all came to me and who I am today. Even if it has less to do with the sponsorship of literacy I still feel like it needs to be in here because it somewhat did result and grow along with me in my experiences. I am going to end the first recording now at roughly thirty one minutes. It is 1:38 PM and like mention earlier, if type this up and feel like it is not enough then I will come back to continue the recordings.
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ReplyDeleteThe Think-aloud Protocol process was actually nothing of what I expected. As I began my rough draft, I used my Literacy Profile as an outline or a pre-rough draft. This led this assignment to, in a way, be a revision process all together. My main focus of the Think-aloud Protocol, as I listened to it again, seemed to be the experience overall and the things that my Literacy Profile made me realize. They was I wrote and conducted myself was influenced a lot by the fact that I was recording myself and this alone was an assignment. I started my Protocol by stating that I was skeptical of how this will end but I think it turned out much better than I anticipated. I have always known that I focus on both format and content of my writings but now that I have said it to myself and I was forced to look deeper into it, I came to an understanding of what I truly do. I focus a lot of my word choice and structure of my essay to have the greatest potential of getting my point across. I have always written my essays and every now and then I would go back over and correct them, if Microsoft Word hasn’t done it already. This experience of me actually speaking of a listening to, for lack of better words, my brain work made me truly contemplate how I composed and conducted my writings. There aren’t specific words to express what I truly went through; the experience wasn’t life changing or anything close to those standards, but I can certainly say that it was something I had need done before and I honestly enjoyed the process.
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ReplyDeleteI always knew that metaphors were a key role in generating a robust paper with profound meaning. However, I never knew the bottomless depth that a prodigious metaphor could take an idea. The majority of my analogies do not materialize until after I have gone through my revision process. A method that is similar to the day before a colossal football game. The team spends a whole week putting together a game plan and new plays for the upcoming game. Players bust their ass on every play to get the principal impression of what to do in every presented situation. Then, the day before parallels my modification process in the sense of having the need to touch up every miniscule detail to ensure that they, and I, produce the highest conceivable conclusion for the mission given. This metaphor aligns with the fix things classification due to not a full revision is done to the paper; only a few things were stabilized.
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I will begin by reading the prompt and creating a good starting sentence…will now check to see if I can improve the sentence in any way and follow it up with a better second sentence…after rereading what I have wrote I will check the prompt to make sure that I am still on topic... I actually fell off of topic a little bit so I will now teak my second sentence so that it makes more sense…in my third sentence I make a transfer to my metaphor that I have thought up before I started my initial writing then I will bring up my analogy…I will now check to see if I have clearly presented my metaphor…I made a few adjustments to adjectives and nouns and now that I am satisfied I will put together a final sentence…I enjoy the last sentence that I put in and will now reread the prompt and all that I have written to make sure I got my point across, the right point across…I stopped once to reword a sentence but I am satisfied with the work I have done and I am ready to turn it in
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When translating my think-aloud protocol I realized that I spend an even amount of time on everything that I see fit doing. There was not a specific area that I targeted in the paper. I spent a good deal of time making sure that I stayed on topic and rewording my sentences to get the sentence that I wanted. I thought that this process was an interesting and different way to go about writing. I personally would not enjoy partaking in this exercise for every paper I needed to write. It adds a lot of time and requires me to also think of things to say instead of putting 100% of my focus on the paper. It did provide a good writing experience for future reference.
0M08
DeleteI was reading through some translating protocols and I found you matched up with me well on that. I didn't find myself focusing on one area for too long either, except in the beginning getting used to being recorded. Personally, I would have to agree I would not enjoy doing that for every writing exercise because like you said, it takes my writing off of the paper and puts it on the Think-Aloud protocol.
I also enjoyed reading your metaphor related to football. That is very true and totally fits in with the revision process. I believe metaphors are there to explain the simplicity of this process in an even more simplistic way. To describe it to something we already know about makes it easier to understand.
steelers?
DeleteBrandon Jones 0037
ReplyDeleteA revision metaphor that best describes my revision process is scrapbooking & making a collage. When brainstorming ideas for any piece of writing that I am about to embark on, I get flooded with a rush of ideas that are often too many to remember while writing so I stop and jot all these ideas down on a list. In developing my piece of writing, I go back to these bits of information and I cut and paste so to speak, specific ideas I like and place them where I see them best fit. In turn, my writing develops into a collage of ideas all stemming from one basic prompt or idea. My entire body of writing then resembles a scrapbook full of the collage of ideas I have drummed up which are often colorful and fruitful in nature. My revision process involves arranging and rearranging these “pictures” until they are able to tell a story and relay a specific message. I often immediately stop writing and pace the room or take a break and start another activity so I can lose focus for a little while and then regain my focus completely.
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Before reading the text, I read the blog prompt so I had an idea of what I was looking for throughout the story. I then began took brainstorm how I would explain my revision process the minute after I read the examples explained in this week’s reading. After reading and annotating the most important highlights of each revision metaphor, I took to writing about my own revision process, often talking myself through the process of starting my first paragraph. I have to repeat what I type vocally so that I know that what I am typing sounds exactly the same way as it would if I were speaking. I then implement the “scrapbooking & making a collage” revision method I so often use by listing my ideas on another medium and then taking these ideas and arranging then rearranging them in a fashion that is the most desirable for myself. I continue this process until I reach a length of writing I am satisfied with or if I have explained the topic thoroughly and I cannot explain anymore. I then chop away the bits and pieces of the work that are redundant and unnecessary until I have a collage of ideas that are neat and organized. For instance, after I wrote the first paragraph of this blog posting, I proofread it, dissected it, questioned it, reorganized it, and marveled at it. My revision process of scrapbooking and collaging my writing happens to be very similar in nature to the revision processes outlined in this week’s reading. In fact, my method of scrapbooking and collaging is really just refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, sewing and tailoring, and cutting combined. Elements from all of these processes are used by me to create the perfect scrapbook. Creating the perfect scrapbook involves refining my brainstormed ideas, which are bits of paper and single photos, and combining them with facts and details, which are borders, colors, and backgrounds, pretty much anything that reinforces my ideas. This metaphor is very complex as it demonstrates that you need various small inputs in order to make a grand finished product.
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Brandon! When it came to your metaphor I thought that it was very free spited. I like how you compared your revision process to a pleasurable activity rather than a boring or tedious one. I used to scrapbook so I can totally relate to what you are talking about. I also think of scrap booking as a free for all with pictures, so when I think of scrap booking being compared to writing I think of free writing and unstructured writing, which is totally awesome if you are successful at it. I like how unstructured writing is kind of like "sticking it to the man", referring to the man as those run of the mill teachers, with absolutely no passion for teaching literature who teach their kids to monotonously write so that everything is standardized and easier for their lazy a**es to grade. By seeing this as your metaphor it makes me want to read some of your writing and see writing that is out of the orindary.
DeleteBrandon Jones 0037 (continued)
ReplyDeleteRegarding my think-aloud protocol, I seemed to have focused more on the introduction which took the most time. After about 10 minutes I found a starting point that I liked and I was able to let the writing flow freely after I started. The portion that took the most time was brainstorming and jotting down details which were related to my main idea. I noticed a trend in my composing where I repeat a cycle of doing 15 minutes of work and taking short 2-3 minute breaks to gather my thoughts. I take everything I’ve written down and go one by one inserting these thoughts into the existing writing. Factors that influenced my writing included time, the time I had left to do the assignment and how much I was able to understand what the prompt is asking. The think-aloud protocol made me feel uncomfortable because no one really likes to hear how they sound recorded and it interrupts the flow and thinking process when you have to stop at intervals and record what you’re doing.
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ReplyDelete0019
ReplyDeleteThe revision process writers collectively face is in itself, a complex organism. There is not one true algorithm to ensure a perfect paper. We all tackle the problem using different methods just as we all possess varying perspectives. Metaphors therefore are essential to convey how we personally conquer revision. Using a metaphor to shed some light on my revision process, I would have to picture an image of a train embarking on a journey. The crew runs an overall check before leaving and monitors the fuel level as the journey progresses, adding coal when needed, eventually reaching the desired destination with no obstruction. They then begin running a check for the next trip. During my process, I begin to structure my thoughts and plan out a general flow of grammar before typing and revise as I go along, ending up with a complete product. A metaphor is figurative language acting as a symbol to clarify meaning but it also forces you to overlook irrelevant features. It is a double-edged sword in that when presented it is both a gain and a loss of understanding.
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Commence think aloud protocol. I just viewed about three good videos about the think aloud protocol and believe I have a good understanding of the concept. I just read the prompt again. This will probably occur often. Repeating the topic keeps me from straying off to much you know.. Here we go. Um, alright, well im just going to start brainstorming and throw out some ideas. (Long pause) ugh. This is the worst part, starting out I mean. I guess my literacy all started by my mom being the most influential and most important sponsor. More brainstorming ensues. Wow this is difficult. Refer to literacy profile. I type a lot. Pause. I revise what I’ve just written. (this occurs often as well). Pause. Awesome. You know, literacy in my life has had its ups and downs. There were periods of love of reading and writing and some not as lively. Harry potter! Who has not been sponsored by harry potter, pretty much my generation’s major sponsor, definitely. Pause. Refer back to literacy profile. Type more. Oh! Little Critter! I forgot. Type more, revision occurs. You know what? I think Music is a major literacy component in my life. It has played a major role in my life. Rapid typing. Save document. long Pause. Wow this is odd. More typing follows. Pauses again, okay well... I take a break. Part two! Okay let’s finish this. I’m typing about how Pokémon games have influenced my literacy. Wow I am coming along nicely. I am now typing about a period of darker literacy. Revisions are made after yet another long pause. Senioritis! I laugh and type for an extended amount of time. My senior English class really opened my mind and changed my perspective. I type a little more. Another long pause with revisions. I’m now typing about how my Literacy has shaped my learning and has influenced my outlook on life. Another pause. Even more revisions made. Hey! I think I did quite well, time for bed.
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Reading my think aloud protocol was overall beneficial to my goal of becoming a better writer. I realized that during my writing process I conduct a superfluous amount of revisions that hinder my creative flow. I also tend to focus more on the overall feel and direction of my writing above all else. I felt that I was distracted even after I minimized their occurrences. Another major problem is the fact that I overthink everything I do, even the most simplistic of tasks. I will use this opportunity to learn from my mistakes and correct them to become a writer with more fluidity.
Hey man i really liked your metaphor comparison of your revision process to a train leaving for a destination. I started comparing it to mine which was a car on a deserted highway with many different choices in exits to take to reach the final destination. Your metaphor got me thinking about the fuel aspect which i left out of my thought process. The fuel could possibly be inspiration from something you came upon that made you decide to change something in your writing or maybe the fuel could possibly be a peer or mentor rereading your work and pointing out some weak areas. Maybe even the fuel could be a 5 hour energy you have to take at 3 in the morning to finish a big term paper haha. Joking aside, great comparison my friend.
Delete0M08
ReplyDeleteTomlinson dives into the world of metaphors with her essay entitled “ Tuning, Tying and Training Texts”. She elaborates on eight different revision techniques: refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things and cutting. The two of these revision tactics that I can relate to the most would be cutting and refining ore. Tomlinson uses these metaphors to connect the writing process to other real world examples that people would relate to she also maybe unintentionally opens up that learning how to write better and the processes behind it can open doors to other skills. She shows how skills such as revising can be extended far beyond just the realms of English class. Revising is a process that can be done in a million different ways, you can take two people and give them the same story and they could both choose different things to keep or to take away. These two people although started in the same place wont finish there. When I write I like to put every single detail down that I can find or come up with and then once I have exhausted all possibilities I put my notes into three columns: keep, toss or change. Notes that go in the keep pile stay on the paper as is. Things that go in the toss pile or hexed or deleted right off and the remarks that go in the change pile I look at to see if I can change them to make them work or add them on to something in the keep pile before totally disregarding them. I refer to my own editing process as butchering, even thought it sounds like a bad thing I think of it as a good one. I start with a whole drawn out idea, and then I try to shave off the parts that don’t make since or the ones that I can’t use. I keep going through this process until I get the desirable piece that I was looking for. Like a butcher would start with a whole cow, but he will only sell certain desirable part of it, so he must saw and shave off portions to get to the part of the cow that will be able to be sold.
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So first things first what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna select the prompt and copy the prompt into the word document that I am working on and now I’m going to read. Reads Prompt. Ok so basically the last sentence is saying they shouldn’t all be the same, I got that. the first sentence is just telling me what to consider so I can delete that. So like I am deleting the sentences right now that I don’t, aren’t going to help me answer the question. We are going to get rid of the sentence that starts t certainly Tomlinson covers. then I am going to space down a bit and write metaphor or type metaphor and find the definition and paste it in here. Now I have the two sentences from the prompt and I have the definition of a metaphor. Ok. So. Pause. So. When I was reading I think that like cutting is the one that would most relate to type of writing that I do what I do, cause I write a lot and then I cut it down so I need to figure out a way to describe that like a metaphor for that cause. Um .i sort of write it out all out and then I keep going back and revising. pause. ok so the first word that comes to mind when I think of this is butchering um because when you have when you are like butchering something if you like a butcher you will take a cow and turn it into just ground beef your not using all parts of the cow your just using what you need and your not using the whole cow, but I feel like that is two close to cutting and that is not using my own thing.
-Part 2- 0M08
ReplyDeleteOk so I am going to start with the sentence. Revising is a process that can be don’t a million different ways no two people, er no. Revising is a process that can be done in a million different ways you can give two people the same story and they can both choose different things to keep or to take away. These two people although they started in the same place, wont finish there When I write I love to, I love, I like to put everything single detail down that I can find or come up with and then once I have exhausted all possibilities I try to come up with things that I either need to keep toss or change. Notes that go in the keep pile stay on the page as is, things that go in the toss are exed off the deleted right and the remarks that go in the change pile I look to at to see if I can make them work or add them onto something the keep pile before totally disregarding them. I made like two spelling errors that I am going to fix. Rereads work so far. I put my notes into three columns keep, toss and change. Ok I think that works, next what I am going to do is try to find a name for my process. Still I am going to read the prompt again so I can think.um. Pause. Oh I just thought of something, I guess you can say its like a waltz cause a waltz is like three steps so its like, 1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3. So like it would be write, read write then write read edit write read edit, well no I don’t think those are like three steps of revision its more like read edit read or read cut read, so I guess we can sort of call it a waltz cause its like three steps over and over again. But like write edit read but I don’t know I don’t think you can really call it a waltz because a waltz is three steps and I only have like two. Pause. I don’t know, its like killing me that I don’t know what to do. Pause. Heavy sigh. Longer pause. I think I am going to go with the whole butchering thing that I start with like a cow then I whittle, I start with a cow I start with a whole thing and I whittle it down like a butcher with a lot and keep whittling it down until its something desirable or it something people are actually going to eat. I refer to my own editing process as butchering, even thought it sounds like a bad thing I think of it as a good one. I start with a whole drawn out idea, and then I try to shave off the parts that don’t make since or the ones that I can’t use. I keep going through this process until I get the desirable piece that I was looking for. Like a butcher would start with a whole cow, but he will only sell certain desirable part of it, so he must saw and shave off portions to get to the part of the cow that will be able to be sold. I still feel likes its still a really weird metaphor but like I can not think of anything else. I am just going to read over it a couple times to make sure the flow is what I want it to be. Reads over silently. Ok so I m also gonna write a little bit about what Tomlinson was saying. I am going to make sure I write in my little summary in the piece from last week that Tomlinson shows eight different ways of revising and I’m gonna list the eight different types and then I am also gonna say that cutting and refining ore were the closest tome. So how do I want to start this. I gonna say Tomlinson dives into the world of metaphors with her on essay on, essay entitled “tuning, tying and training text” She elaborate on eight different revision techniques um refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things and cutting. The two of these revision tactics that I can relate the most would be cutting and refining ore, and then. Ok so I think that’s a good start to my first paragraph or the first part of my response for this. So now im going back to fix little typing mistakes I made while I was typing. Grammar is never a strong point of mine so going back to fix grammatical errors always takes forever and a
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ReplyDeleteday. Pause .ok .pause .ok so I think that’s all I’m gonna do for the first part of response so I guess that’s all. TRT = 20:29
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From the think –aloud protocol I realized that I write in a very similar way to the way that I speak. I think this might be a hindrance that my writing style is a little bit conversational and not using higher-level vocabulary. I have also noticed that once I start with an idea it is very hard for me to stray away from it and come up with a completely new one. With this particular piece I started off with one idea nd kept it in the back of my mind, which almost crippled me to the point of not being able to come up with any other viable options to use for the first part of the response. I think that it impacted me because I was forced to say everything out loud once which I think helped with the time it took to write it because I wasn’t putting down too many sentences that didn’t make since then having to go back looking at it trying to figure out what was I trying to say, with the protocol I said them all aloud first which made coherence of the piece a lot easier in my eyes. I also think that typing the document first versus writing first impacted my writing, with typing I was aloud to work out of order so when I was hung up on what to use as a metaphor I was able to move on to another part of the assignment. I think if I was writing I would have been more hung up on the factor and would have taken a lot longer to do this. Overall I think hearing my self compose brought some things into prospective for me that I will have to keep in mind on future assignments.
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ReplyDeleteIn “Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts,” Brooke Tomlinson argues that everybody’s writing process, mainly revision, can be examined through figurative language. In this piece, she analyzes specifically metaphors through the stories of eight people she has interviewed. The metaphors these people created displayed how their revision process works from little tweaks, writing numerous rough drafts, or revising and creating a new piece. For example, her first argument of James Dickey introduces his metaphor of a “Refining Ore” which displays his need for creating numerous rough drafts in order to have a complete finish one. My metaphor for my writing process would be “Working out the Clinks of the Car”. This metaphor to me means that you can fix the AC, or change the oil in a car, but you don’t change the car as a whole. This relates to my writing process because when I revise my paper I never change my main argument or any ideas, I simply fix and grammar errors or syntax. As I am writing my paper, or “driving my car”, I will re-read and take out any errors and correct them.
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ReplyDeleteOkay so im starting my paper, Im reading the topic. And what I do is I pick out the main topic of what I should be doing and put it on the top of my paper. So I have to uhm state Tominlson’s main argument, come up with my own metaphor, and lets see uhm and then I have to elaborate how my metaphor works. Then from there alright that’s the first part. Let me outline paragraph one of my brain storm, paragraph 2. Then paragraph 2 I have to think-aloud, and then now im writing the outline for paragraph 3. I have to write a synoposis and answers the questions. Okay now that I laid out my topics Im going to highlight it in red so I Know what im doing and start my response. Okay I think I spelt her name wrong so let me go and correct that. Uhm to start off Im going to think about what Tomlinson’s main argument was. I know that her main argument was that figurative language helps in the writing process. And here she focuses on metaphors and how that can stand for your revising process. So im going to start off with a topic sentence. See here I spelt her name wrong, let me fix that and pick the right vocabulary. Right now I wrote a little rough draft so Im transcribing it onto my final piece. Uhm I know that throughout her piece she uses examples from people so I know I can use that. Right now Im re-reading through what I wrote and Im fixing any errors that I see and fixing any grammar errors. I don’t want to be too repetitive by saying “she” and I’ll write a continuation of the sentence. Im looking back on my bulleted list of the topic. Im reffering back to the book to see anything else I can put in her overlying argument. Im looking at the end to see what I can put and I just came up with a sentence. Im right now thinking about the stories she talked about so I can summarize them and put it in one continuous sentence. Right now I lost my train of thought so Im re-reading the sentence so I can end it properly. Okay so I think that sounds like a complete sentence. I think I should put an example in it. So im using her first argument from James Dickey of “Refining Ore” and that’s what im using as an example. Im just rereading the section so I can get a synopsis of what he was saying so I can put it in my paper. Now im going back and re-reading what I just wrote, see I just caught myself being repetitive so now I just need to find a way to link these to thoughts together. Now Im thinking of what a metaphor is, and thinking about what my metaphor would be. I think my metaphor is fixing the tweaks or something along those lines, I can always revisit my metaphor. Now I’m trying to figure out how to put that into words, Im trying to think of the proper word use. So now I think I need a more specific metaphor, uhm working out the clinks of a car. Okay so I just refined my metaphor, I changed it to working out the clinks of a car. Uhm now Im going to explain it. Okay now uhm Im going to explain what that metaphors means and how it relates to my writing process.
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Through analyzing my think-aloud protocol I notice that I constantly re-read what I write to make sure that it fits along the topic of my paper and of the topic given. Also, I noticed that I am fixated on grammar and syntax. I ensure that I am using the right vocabulary and that it fits properly within my idea. This protocol impacted me because it showed me that I need to keep focused on what I’m writing so I don’t go off track and be forced to constantly re-read what I previously wrote. Also, it showed me that I need to “polish” my grammar and sentence structure skills.
“Alright we are recording! So I am going to talk about a little bit of my brainstorming before I start writing. Ummm we are going to use the question we have on our blog page. So I guess we an start off with what is my earliest memory of reading and writing. Well reading obviously would probably be my mom reading to me before I went to sleep. She was a preschool teacher so that was a good thing. Writing I’m not really sure about. It was probably somewhere in kindergarten or first grade because my teachers loved to shove writing down our throats. So that was kind of fun. How did I learn to read and write? I mean that kind of goes hand in hand with my earliest memory of reading and writing. Ummm I mean reading obviously came first. I would read all kinds of stuff, like Dr. Seuss. My favorite book by Dr. Seuss was Go Dog Go. Cause who doesn’t like that book. And then writing, I guess preschool, kindergarten, first grade. Is that not how all kids learn how to write? My mom helped me too with stuff like sleeping out my name. She would also say stuff like what is this word in this book, which helped a lot. How did you come to identify certain values with reading and writing? Reading and writing has always been… umm well more reading for me, has always been really important in my life. I like to read, I like to read different kinds of books, different genres. There’s really no book that I don’t like reading. Writing, I kind of hate it. I mean its not a fun thing to do. It’s kind of just like a chore. What kinds of reading have you done in your past and what kinds of reading do you do now? I mean reading in my past I used to do a lot of fantasy. Harry Potter, I also read the entire Lord of the Rings and stuff. Now, I like Michael Creighton. He’s my author. My favorite book by him was timeline. He writes very well and does very good plots. Murder mysteries, that’s what I’m into now. Which teachers from your past had a particular impact on your reading and writing? I mean not any of my grade school teachers. They had nothing to do with my development of reading and writing. They didn’t really make an effort to really push me and make me better at reading and writing. They kind of just said here read this write this and that was it. My two English teachers in high school did a really good job forcing me to read and write and make goals for myself. Writing has always been a problem for me. I could never sit down and focus on writing just one thing. My teachers really got to the root of that problem. They said hey go sit down in a quiet place, maybe put on some music in the background, I always write better when there’s a little but of distraction, and just write. Umm just think brainstorm it out, write and it’ll come to you. What is my current attitude towards reading and writing? I don’t have as much time now to read with college and stuff. I do enjoy reading though. I love going to the beach and sitting there with a good book. Writing, I don’t hate it, its not as frustrating as it used to be, I don’t get writers block as much but I mean when a teacher says you got to write an essay for this class you gotta do this you gotta do that, I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach. Where there any aspects of reading and writing that frustrated you when you grew up? I talked about that for a little. I mean reading I was always good at, especially since my mom was a preschool teacher. She really helped me out with that. Writing on the other hand was frustrating. It was just writers block. I would write one sentence and look at it and would not be able to write anything else for about two hours. How have institutions impacted your reading and writing? AS I said my grade school wasn’t much help to me. My high school did a very good job however. I mean reading
ReplyDeleteyou can’t do much about once you get into high school. You already know how to read or you don’t. You should know how to interoperate things by then. Writing on the other hand you can always get better at. How much have you enjoyed particular kinds of reading and writing that you did in your past? Reading like I said I was all about fantasy. Writing, I like writing about topics that I enjoy. I enjoyed writing about JFK and his assassination I could literally knock out my paper on that in 30 minutes. Umm I mean I like writing about my future. I had to write a paper for my hospitality management class about what I was going to do in my future of hospitality. That literally took me like 2 hours to write because I know what I want to do and I have a goal to do that. Has there ever been a sense of reward or punishment associated with reading or writing from your past? Actually writing yes reading no. Well yes because teachers will make you read an extra couple of pages if you talk a lot but I never saw that as bad. It only takes up a little bit more of your time. That’s the only real pain about it. Writing, my fifth grade teacher, I really hated her, whenever we did something bad she would make us write the definition of STOP. I don’t know if you ever saw the definition of stop in the dictionary, but it takes up about a whole page and a half. I mean it is really annoying. I mean that’s always stuck with me because I could probably tell you the first couple lines of the definition from memory. That’s how many times we had to write it. What from your past has made you the reader and writer you are today? I would mostly attribute that to my mom being a preschool teacher. She installed a love of reading in me. Writing I mean, huh, it was a process as I grew up but I think today I am a good writer. I would say top ten percent. What moments from your past do you remember as particularly empowering or dis-empowering? That’s a hard question. Having to do with writing? I mean I’m not really sure what this question is asking. There was a bunch of school related events like science fairs and stuff that I did really well in and that was very empowering. Especially there was a speech competition my school just started and I was the first one to do it. I did the JFK inaugural speech and I placed second. I didn’t get first but that’s okay. I don’t know, that just made me proud that I could represent my school in that way. Disempowering? In my first grade year, we split into three different reading groups and I was in the second highest one. It pissed me off to no end that I wasn’t in the first reading group but eventually through hard work I ended up in the first reading group my second grade year. Probably one of my most happy memories ever. But yes I guess that’s a good start for my paper. So I am going to cut out now and ill be back in a little to write and record more!”
ReplyDelete“Alright so this is my second part of my reading response. I guess we will start writing my literacy narrative. I have to use look up the prompt online I so give me 2 seconds. Okay let's start writing. Finding an opening sentence is one of my problems.”
ReplyDeleteEver since I was small reading and writing is always been a huge and important part of my life. It has helped me discover places that I've never been, people I've never met, and new worlds I never thought could exist. Until the past several years writing has never been a strong point in my academics. On the other hand reading has always been a strong point of mine. Before I could even speak my mother, father, and sisters all read to me. This reading expanded my imagination and installed in me a love for literacy. Without it I would not be the same person I am today.
My love for reading and writing all started with my mother. Every night before I would go to sleep she would read to me. Dr. Seuss books, the Bernstein Bears, and the poems by Shell Silverstein were staples of my child. Without even knowing it, I was learning lessons that could carry throughout the rest of my life.
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I did the think aloud protocol for about twenty minutes and it really wasn’t that much of a help. I mean it helped me organize my thoughts better but at the same time it was more of a distraction having to say everything aloud. I was more concerned about recording everything that half the time I found myself going on pointless rants. As for the brainstorming process I think it helped a lot. I could go back and listen again to everything I said and it all made sense. If I were going to repeat this process I would only do the think aloud for my brainstorming. However, it was a good experience and I am glad that I got to try it.
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ReplyDeleteIn “Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision” Tomlinson states that many writers find inspiration for their understanding of the composition process in both personal and social experiences, enabling them to create relevant metaphors that symbolize these experiences. In the essay, the views and metaphorical references to the revising process differed with each author. Many referred to their writing as sculpting, casting and recasting, refining ore, and painting, and we could see how they viewed the revising process; these authors relied heavily on amending the texts each time they revised. Take for example the metaphor of painting. The authors suggest that their revision process requires actually changing the initial content by painting over a sketch “layer by layer.” In contrast, William Goyen, an author who compares his revision process to sculpting, suggests that rather than adding material, he removes it with each edit, like chiseling away at stone. While the specific views of revising are different (adding versus deleting material), the general concept is the same: revising requires making very significant changes. Tomlinson also provided examples of authors who symbolized there writing as sewing, cutting, fixing and tying things off. As opposed to the authors that focused on creating an aesthetic piece through heavy editing, these writers used revising on a much smaller scale. Instead, the content itself remains the same and the editing is used mostly for practical reasons. Generally, these authors referred their editing as “fixing” or “patching” their work. Revising then becomes more of an afterthought.
My aim in the revision process tends to be more practical than anything. If I had to really think about it, I would compare my personal process to fixing up an old car. You know the car isn’t running well and try to locate the problem. Once you know what’s wrong with it, you can go out and buy the parts and tools to fix it with and get it running well again. I found that my metaphor is much like that of Robert Creely and Fred Chappell, two author introduced in Tomlinson’s piece. These authors note that “they are more concerned with finding a solution to a problem in the text…and that the solutions may not come at first but eventually”. This closely relates to my style of writing. While I understand the prompt (what is wrong with the car) and have my main points that I will address (the parts and tools to fix the car), I still tend to start writing without a clear vision of where my essay will go. I only know that I will reach a conclusion in the end (getting the car running).
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As I read “Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision” by Barbara Tomlinson, I realized how often metaphors are used in everyday language to clarify meaning or emphasize a point. Tomlinson discusses various metaphors and their use in describing the revision process of writing, and I have now come up with my own revision metaphor: Moving into a new home.
When you move into a new home, you start with the basics: getting your furniture in and placing boxes of your things into the rooms they will need to be unpacked in. This is analogous to brainstorming in your head and planning out on paper what you will write about and what direction it will go in. Now, you have moved your furniture into your home, but how will you set up each room? This question relates to “you have an idea, but how will you frame your writing around it?” The packed boxes in each room represent details that have yet to be organized around the ideas you have for your writing. Once you have a general plan for how you will set up your rooms, you decide it is safe to start unpacking boxes and putting things in their place. In writing, once you have a plan and know what ideas you will touch on, you start to “unpack” smaller details and incorporate them into your plan.
So by now, your furniture is arranged and your boxes are unpacked. Now it is time to add some more details to your home, such as hanging up curtains, art, photos, or perhaps doing some gardening to brighten up your new yard. This is parallel to gradually adding in smaller details to your writing once you have gotten the basics down. You start to tweak a thing or two, and add in what you feel contributes to your piece as a whole.
After you are set up in your new home, you may start to notice random details that stand out now when you had never noticed them before. Who is paying attention to the leaky faucet or that small chip in the tile floor when there are pictures to be hung? Now is the time you start noticing these minor details and wish to fix them. Comparable to writing, you will notice minor details, from syntax to a discrepancy in content, as you spend time with your work. You continue to work out minor kinks until your writing begins to satisfy you and you feel your revision process coming to an end.
I really liked your metaphor of unpacking and setting up your house. It accurately shows the creativity and personality one would put into a piece of writing as they edited their word choice and sentence structure.
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ReplyDeleteMy think-aloud protocol went something like this. I stopped to read the prompt several times through. I then broke up the prompt into section that I wanted to address. I stopped to think for a couple minutes to get some ideas going and dove straight into typing. I wrote my first sentence, considered what I wrote and stopped to think for a minute about how I would elaborate. I referred back to the prompt once again to make sure I was staying on topic, trying to understand it better. I then looked up the definition for metaphor just to clarify my own understanding and continued typing. My ideas came as I wrote (I noticed this occurred at the points of my protocol at which I was not speaking). I typed the full first paragraph, read it through a couple of times, and deleted the entire thing. I tried to create a more elaborate paragraph, stopped again to read it through, and decided to go back with my original writing. Generally after every couple of sentences or so, I referred back to my text as well as the prompt throughout the writing process. When I would get a block in my thought process and could no longer write, I would go back and quickly revise what I had already written. I realized after a while that trying to voice everything I was doing and thinking was actually disrupting my train of thought and decided at the last minute to write an entire section without speaking and going back afterwards to comment on my actions. I wrote almost aimlessly until I reached a clear point. After completed the first section, I again read over all that I had written and cut out anything that was not necessary. In writing about my own writing revision process, I had to stop typing completely and go through my own writing process step by step in my head. Again, I typed until I had developed a clear point, reviewing what I had already written if I got stuck, and typing the entire section and slightly revising it afterwards.
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After attempting my think-aloud protocol, I personally realized that it actually drug out the writing process and made it more difficult to focus. My attention fell more on remembering to comment and how sufficient my comments were rather than in letting my ideas flow freely. Though it did prove to be a little distracting, it revealed some very important things with my writing process. My think-aloud protocol showed that I referred back to things and read a lot more than I had originally thought. I also noticed my actions when I got what most refer to as writer’s block. I tended to revise and reread my own writing before continuing with another idea. However, once I began typing, (and not commenting) the ideas flowed freely with each new sentence (much like the way I have composed this part of the response!)
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Think-Aloud Protocol for Literacy Narrative
How should I start this? Well…(long pause)…(sigh)…(pause)…(sigh). I’m thinking. Thinking, thinking, thinking. Okay. (Pause). “From a young age”…it would help if I could spell…“From a young age I have always shown promise…I have always shown my…” (Pause). “I have always shown promise in developing my literacy.” No, that sounds stupid, I don’t like that. I need something good. (Pause.) (Page flipping.) (Long pause.) (Sigh.) F**k. (Long pause.) “Five year old me probably wouldn’t find it hard to believe”...this is gonna suck…“wouldn’t find it hard to believe I have come this far with my literacy and academics. From a young age, who knows when it started”...No, that’s stupid. “From a young age…” (Pause.) “I have always had a deep motivation driven by curiosity to learn. No one had to sit and baby me through learning. I was eager. I was motivated. I wanted to know all that I could.” No. Okay. “No one had to sit and baby me through learning, I was eager, I was motivated, I wanted to know all that I could.” (Pause.) (Sigh.) “By the time I started elementary school...By the time I started elementary school…” Alright, this is pretty good so far. At least I hope it doesn’t sound too, eh, superficial? Cliché? “I was eager…I was motivated…I wanted to know all that I could comprehend…and even things I couldn’t. By the time I started school…” (Pause.) Inaudible whisper. (Typing in silence for a while.) So, I feel like I just got a pretty good sentence. “Everyone who knew me saw this promise in me and I feel like I developed a high standard to hold myself to at such a young age.” I could switch that. “I feel like I developed at such a young age a high standard to hold myself to for the rest of my life.” Ah, man. This is a pretty good paragraph. I’m just gonna skim through this right now silently. (Pause.) Awesome. “Everyone who knew me saw this promise in me, comma, and I developed, comma, at such a young age, comma…” No. Not like that. “I feel I developed a high standard to hold myself to for the rest of my life at such a young age.” No. Eh. “Everyone who knew me saw this promise in me and I feel I developed a high standard to hold myself to for the rest of my life.” Why is that not double spaced? Nooo. (Pause.) Okay. Where the hell do I go with my next paragraph? Alright. I got a good, uh, a good topic paragraph without holding myself back too much, I think. Well, I don’t know. Should I talk about literacy in that paragraph or start a new one? I don’t know. What is my story? (Pause.) Uhhgh. (Pause.) (Typing in silence for a bit.) Okay. Now how do I dive into this literacy part? How do I start to dive into this? Let’s look back at my plan. I touched on my curiosity for learning. (Sigh.) “My literacy developed tremendously…” if I could spell that right...“during elementary school. My curiosity…” Can I use the word “embedded?” Does that make sense? “Entrenched?” “Fixed?” “Rooted?” “Surrounded?” What’s another synonym for “deep?” Do I have too many adjectives here? “My profound curiosity served as my greatest intrinsic motivator.” Motivator or motivation? Huh…I am going to say motivator. Intrinsic motivator….or would that be a person? I’m gonna leave it as motivator.” “…for learning to read.” “To develop…” What the hell, “develop” is going to get old. What’s a synonym for develop? Oh, okay, that’s awesome. “For my literacy progress…” “My curiosity for learning served as my greatest motivator for progressing...” (Pause.) Okay I kind of like that. Now where do I go with it? (Re-reads again.) F**k! (Re-reads again.) “…motivator for learning to read and write…” “I was always interested in story time, looking at pictures in books…” (Sigh.) “I would answer questions based on stories I would read, I was always satisfied…” Is that a good word? Uh, “insatiable?” Is that a good word? (Pause.) (Typing in silence.)
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Think-Aloud Protocol for Literacy Narrative (part 2)
“My family told me they don’t know where this insane academic motivation came from because none of them feel they were as eager a learner as a child as I was.” Ugh, God, I really hope this doesn’t sound like filler. I don’t want someone to read this and then slice it down to two sentences and be like “What was all this other extra crap? You didn’t need this. You’re just trying to exte—“ I’m not trying to extend I’m just trying to make this sound interesting …and I’m always worried it sounds like I’m trying too hard. I’m worried it sounds like I’m trying to sound smart or trying way too hard. I’m digging into psychology here, I guess I’m just afraid everything will be judged harshly and that I sound like I’m trying too hard and that what I’m saying is in too many words. Okay, I’m going to get off that now. “My family often told me…” La la la, reading the sentence again. (Pause.) Added a word. I sort of feel good about starting this paper and getting this draft done, but at the same time I feel like I’m doing a sh*tty job. And I don’t want to write a sh*tty paper. So there’s some motivation. Now I’m gonna start diving into extrinsic motivation.
I’m trying to build on extrinsic motivation leading from my intrinsic motivation. I mentioned something about sponsors, as Deborah Brandt described in that first reading we did. Um. Yeah. I’ll probably come back and record more, I kind of stopped mid-sentence and I will come back when I am more focused. I get distracted a lot and easily. I am probably going to finish up this “letter grade” and “praise” part and move onto my grandparents buying me books. Ugh. I’m just so confused right now. If I go into that, where will I fit in competition? I could probably put that in after this “letter grade” stuff. And THEN I can go into the books, which gave me a sense of a positive future in a short period of time. Because time seems a lot slower for kids. Okay, I am coming back to this in a bit when I actually regain my focus on this paper.
So I got some good stuff going here. I touched on the motivation cycle in about one big paragraph after I explained exactly what my extrinsic motivators were, because my intrinsic motivation was just my curiosity, eagerness, and ambition. And I just discussed middle school and why, possible reasons why, my curiosity died a bit during that time. And now I am talking about high school and how it had a positive effect on my reading and writing because we were introduced to classic novels and a higher level of analysis. It sparked my interest... Ugh, I’m trying to think of a word. Something that has to do with your brain…nurturing? Feeding? No. Stimulating! That’s what it is. Stimulating. In high school, focus on plot shifted towards focus on theme and symbolism. (Typing a lot in silence.) I’m talking about Dr. Shipe right now, Dr. Shipe is the main reason I got interested in analyzing books because he completely f**king blew my mind. (Typing a lot in silence.) (Paused typing.) (Typing in silence.) Now I guess I should maybe say something about how, uhm, wait, I did say something about how middle school differs from high school. I have like three pages now, over 1000 words, hoooly sh*t. I have a lot of material to work with and most of my thoughts are down in the narrative now.
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ReplyDelete0119
Part 4
According to my think-aloud protocol, I seemed to focus a lot on creating a strong beginning for my paper. I didn’t sit and stare at a blank screen for hours or anything, but I certainly mulled over a few ideas and typed out some possible first sentences so I could get the ball rolling. The beginning of a paper seems to be important to me, but I tend not to get seriously “blocked” by it. I put down the best thing I can think of, even if I am not satisfied with it, and then go back and change it if I think of something better later on. Initially I focused on the format of the paper, such as font, font size, and spacing, simply to get into the “essay writing mindset,” if you will.
While transcribing my think-aloud protocol, I noticed something slightly annoying about my composing process, although it seems it may be helpful. I re-read my sentences and parts of sentences quite frequently. It seems that if I do not know where to go next, I will focus on the last sentence I wrote until I have a thought that allows me to flow nicely into the following sentence. I also noticed that I voiced my frustrations with my writing, from sighs, to cussing, to rants about how my writing may not be adequate.
Simple distractions impact my composing process. For instance, at one point my stomach growled, so I just put everything down and went to get food. However, when I came back, I felt more focused than I had before, so perhaps little breaks are what I need when I start to lose focus.
I enjoyed recording and transcribing my think-aloud protocol. The transcribing was tedious but I found it very fascinating to hear my voiced thoughts that I had recorded the night before just flowing freely. It’s pretty interesting. It did not feel too awkward, and I don’t feel like I forced myself to talk. At times I rambled on, and at others I was silent. It seemed natural.
0037
ReplyDeleteBefore I began reading Tomlinson’s text, I was not aware that writers use metaphors to express the ways they develop their writing. According to the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, a metaphor is a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them. I find it very interesting that metaphors can be used to turn low-grade material into a valuable product. Most of the information we learn about composing is based on the culturally shared data about the writing process. The use of metaphors and other forms of figurative language in the revision process of writing can help writers to explain their processes of composing. Tomlinson gathers eight metaphorical stories to illustrate the effect of revising text: refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things, and cutting. Revising a paper is a lot more than just making a few changes here and there, it is about completely reformulating and transforming the material. My revision process can be compared to a manufacturer building a car. The manufacturer designing the car and gathering the required parts prior to assembly can be compared to the brainstorming process I initiate while I first start working on a paper. Then, the chassis traveling down the assembly line is equivalent to me elaborating on the key points of a paper. In the end, the finished product is taken out on the test track just like I proofread a paper when it is complete.
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To begin my think-aloud protocol, I read the prompt a few times to ensure that I had a deep understanding of what was being asked of me. Then, I proceeded to plan my paper by assembling a thesis and three key points. After I wrote the first few sentences, I reread what I had written while checking for any spelling or grammatical errors. This step was repeated every few sentences throughout the entire paper. Once I began the process of elaborating on the three key points, I thought of some details to help illustrate the main idea. Afterwards, I checked the details regarding the main idea to ensure that I did not lose track of the main point. Once I completed the first draft, I immediately went back and edited the text. With each change I made, I questioned myself whether or not it would contradict my previous statements. Finally, once the editing process was complete, I reread the entire narrative to make sure it flowed correctly and was to par.
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Personally, I think the think-aloud protocol had a negative effect on my writing style. It forced me to stop and read-aloud my personal thoughts, which inhibited my flow of writing. Talking into my phone was a little awkward for me because I am not used to hearing my own voice as well as having to vocalize all of my thoughts. It was definitely an interesting experiment for me so that I could see how it would affect my writing style. One positive effect of the think-aloud method was that it directed more of my focus to what I was writing. I still prefer to work silently compared to the think-aloud protocol because I spent more time trying to vocalize my thoughts than actually putting them down on paper.
Jeremy Dalrymple
ReplyDeleteoMo8
To be honest, I hadn’t ever given the concept of “metaphors for revision” much consideration. My writing process is what it is, I never felt the need to label it. I subscribe to the school of thought, that to label something, is to define it, to give it a set of borders and boundaries. This will inherently tie it down and what was once an abstract, amorphous idea, is now concrete. When I first started to write this post, I believed my writing style to most closely resemble that of the “Casting and Recasting.” The concept of a completed bronze statue really appealed to me and how I view my completed work. That once I have finished a paper and let it cooled, I cannot simply go back to and attempt to reshape without risk to the structure of the paper itself. That it was infinitely malleable while still being composed, however once it set, the paper is complete. However, it was a sentence describing the painting metaphor that truly resonated with me, and ultimately made me decide that a painting metaphor was most apt to describing my writing process. The sentence is as follows: “Unlike the refining and casting analogies, the analogy to painting emphasizes a kind of work that is delicate, only mildly physical, guided primarily by aesthetic principles, and focuses on significance.” When I write, I tend to an image in my mind of what my final paper should look like. Sometimes, I will outline before I start writing. However, when I do use an outline, I always build off the outline, I don’t ever keep it off to the side as a separate entity. This is analogous to painters using a charcoal sketch before they start to fill it in.
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Ok, this recording is for the think aloud protocol. The first thing that I'm going to do is read the assignment. Alright, now that I've done that, I think I need another break. I'm going to go watch Suits now. Ok, I've finished with my break and since the time for the due time is coming up, I guess I actually have to get to work. I always seem to feel tired before an assignment. But if I'm under pressure, that feeling goes away and I kinda feel excited about it. I'm starting to read the assignment. Ok, I've made a few annotations in the article, but now I've given up. I remember everything I've read anyway, so I'll just go back and put in the notes later. Ok, I think I'm most like the casting/recasting metaphor. But I'll keep going just to see. And now I've changed my mind. I'm going with the painting metaphor. I'll write a few sentences down now since I have that feeling that things should just flow. Ok, moving on and reading the rest of the article. I've decided that the painting one is most apt. Its hard to talk and come up with what I want to write at the same time. Usually I make the sentence sound right in my head before I put it down. Well really, when the sentence starts to sound right in my head, that's when I put it down. I write the first part of the sentence and continue thinking about the second part and then add that when it sounds write. I usually don't ever go back and correct it, since it is pretty much as good as its going to be.
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In all honesty, I really abhor the think aloud protocol. On one hand, I completely understand the intent behind it. Yet, in practice, it is very disruptive to the way that I write. I tend to internalize my essay, and what I write is only the result of a lot of reflection. Talking about the process keeps that from happening.
0M08
ReplyDeleteTomlinson's argument about metaphors conveyed significance when regarding them to her own revision process. In her article, "Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts," she explains how metaphors can be used to describe the refining or revision process. Some of the metaphors she used were Refining the Ore, Casting and Recasting, Sculpting, Painting, Sewing and Tailoring, Tying things Off, Fixing Things, and Cutting. The first one she mentions, Refining the Ore, explains how it won't be perfect your first shot at it but you can keep revising and making it better. Casting and Recasting has to do with enhancing the text but also adding to it and using previous text. Sculpting and Painting seemed to be closely related to me, where as that both were used to describe the shaping and changing process of the piece of art in writing form. Sewing and Tailoring explains more about adding to and making adjustments to what you already have. Tying Things Off, Fixing Things, and Cutting are the last and final pieces of revision. You look at what you have and add some finishing touches, fix anything misspelled or out of place, and cut unnecessary parts out. Then its ready for that last breath of relief of having your final piece of art finished. The metaphor I would use to describe the revision process would be relating it to "Having Braces." I use braces because people get them on to fix a problem but there are stages. You go through stages: the beginning is just getting you ready for them, which is related to realizing things you want to fix in your writing. Then you move on a few months down the road, or in writing words a few lines down the page, and it just seems to get better and better. But you go in for check ups to make sure everything is going as planned; just like writing to may re-read to make sure its flowing the way you wanted it to. Then you're ready to take them off and see your beautiful teeth. In writing, you finish revising, and you're ready to see the beautiful writing you have accomplished.
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My Think-Aloud protocol was definitely interesting. I started by reading the prompt for out writing response for week 4. Since I have a problem with comprehension I read it over a few times. Once I understood what it was asking I starting to think aloud. But my first move was the first sentence, which is where I always restate the question in a form for me to answer and add my reply. I backspaced a few times when I didn't like the way I worded something or found it redundant. I read over my first sentence a few times to make sure it was how I wanted it exactly. From there everything ran smoothly. I shared what Tomlinson's 8 metaphors were, and shared my own. I answered the questions in order and only paused to think of what to say or how to phrase it correctly.
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What I thought about the Think-Aloud protocol was that it was another interference for me. I have no clue what it is, whether its ADD or just some comprehensive problem, but I cannot focus when there are distractions. This became a distraction to me and kept me from fully comprehending what I was reading. What was on my mind was the thought of other people hearing what I was saying, how I would sound, if i was even doing it right, and how long it would take for this protocol. The only thing interesting is learning the steps for which I revise my writings and actually accomplish the task before me. I tended to focus on comprehending most and making sure what I typed out made as much sense in my head as it did typed out.
0M08
DeleteI liked reading your metaphor about the stages of braces because I could relate to those stages and sometimes having braces was a pain, but it was worth it in the end. I knew about the stages from the first check-up you get to getting wires changed to being sized for a retainer. All along the way you want the braces to come off but know your teeth aren't quite ready to be revealed.
0M08
DeleteWhen I read your response, and I saw that you used the metaphor of having braces at first I wasn't sure where you were going with it but in the end it totally clicked. The revising process is exactly like getting braces in the since that it takes places in many stages. I can also relate to what you mean about not being able to focus, when writing. Usually the assignment takes me start to finish four hours because, I will read something and get completely distracted, I am glad to see I am not alone.
0033
ReplyDeleteBarbara Tomlinson’s argument of using metaphors to describe revision styles was an interesting way of looking at them. With these eight different techniques similarities occurred but you could easily distinguish each style from the next. The argument Tomlinson proposes shows that the word “revision” can take on a new meaning to different people; no longer can you group these techniques as a whole but instead look at them as individuals. After reading Tomlinson’s work and seeing these different metaphors being used, I created one myself. Putting on make-up. And no I am not a girl nor have I ever used make-up but from myself acclaimed excellent observations from what it looks like they do not do a complete overhaul but instead cover up a few blemishes and glorifying there features. I like to relate that to my writing. With not rewriting complete pages or paragraphs but instead rewriting single sentences or just re-wording them. Also when I say covering up blemishes say if while writing I realize that a certain part of my paper seems to drag on I may insert something to regain the readers’ full attention. When I say bring out features if there is an idea that I have that I believe is a good one and I center my writing around then while editing I will make sure that while reading the idea is absolutely put front and center.
Megan Madison 0037
ReplyDelete"Okay right now I am doing the brainstorming session. One of the questions is about feeling limited, and I feel limited because I write my best when it's about something personal not an essay on a literature book. I feel limited also because the last time I wrote a formal essay was, I think, sophomore year. Senior year and junior year didn't really do that much with anything other than reading and answering questions from stupid literacy stories. So yeah, I feel really limited because I don't feel like I'm up to par with my writing. I feel like I'm still behind. My writing is still that of a tenth grader in high school. So that's where I'm at with my writing.
There's a question about empowering, like who empowered me to further my reading and writing capabilities. Mainly, right off the bat for reading, I think of family. Those little Dr. Seuss, Nancy Drew little childrens' stories books. Mom would buy me those books, she would help me read them. For the writing, I think that one, once I got older, that one was on me. Because the writing that I did has always been very informal. I've always done poems, so formal writing I had to do that myself,but that was mainly for FCAT. A little bit of help from an english teacher here or there. I just kind of gave it a shot. You know, just saw what other people were doing and tried to make my own off of that. But it's just really hard for me to just start writing about something, unless it's an informal form of writing. In my case poetry, where I can just say what I want to say with less structure. My audience is usually the same for poetry, but for formal writing it"s not. And I don't know, I've never written for a different type of audience. I don't know how to do that. So empowering for writing, I've done it myself. I've pushed myself through high school, but like I said earlier I didn't have a lot of formal writing to do so why would it have been necessary to push myself when I didn't have to. There was no need for me to do that. Not in my English classes, the admissions essay was nothing, I mean, that's informal; all you do is talk about yourself. For a formal essay you have to read hard, complicated stories and that's hard for me because all I've read recently is medical books. That's all I've done for the past two years is read medical books. That's all i know. It's really hard for me to comprehend complex stories and to say them in my own words and to just get into it. If I just read a story from the book writing about writing it's just so hard to just finish it all. It takes forever because I just read so slow and I try to annotate and sometimes I just have no idea what to write. Annotating is writing down what you're thinking while you're reading it, and I'm not really thinking about anything. I'm just kind of reading it. If it's really not that interesting I'm not really thinking about it, I just want to get it over with."
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My creative process seems like I drag it out. I think about what I'm going to write for a long time before I actually write it. I noticed that I got a little off track when I was talking about empowering. The think-aloud protocol was a unique experience. I don't think it necessarily helped, but it did open my eyes to how my brain works.
0119
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that I really appreciate about the book "Writing About Writing", is that it provides us with articles such as "Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision" that are extremely helpful. Before I had read this article, I only thought that metaphors were used only for writing descriptive stories or papers. I had never realized that they could be used for revision or ways to develop writing. It says that Tomlinson "argues that the language we use to describe writing reveals our attitudes and assumptions about the nature of writing." (251) I strongly agree with this statement now that I have read her piece and have given it more thought. The eight "metaphorical stories", refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things, and cutting, give us a very defined look at how the writing process can begin as something messy or rough but it then turns into something refined and very satisfying.
The metaphor that I came up with was designing a new car. Before you being to design the car, you have in your mind the grand picture of how you want the car to look when it's finished. It's the same with writing, you have a topic, and you have a specific way that you want it to be written. Once you've collected all of the pieces that you need to make the car function properly, or an outline in this case, you start off with the basics and slowly put them together in an a logical order. Certain car parts have to attach themselves to other specific parts. With writing, you need to be conscious of how you connect your words and sentences, to make sure they flow well together and so you don't wander off topic. Once your pieces are all together and before you give the car a new coat of paint, you have to look over your work and make sure that it works exactly how you want it to. If it has even the slightest flaw, you have to go back and correct it. Once the car has been revised and looked over, you can then give it a new coat of paint, decorate it, and prepare it for sale. With a paper, you have to do the same, look over the rough draft, correct your errors, and then prep it up and make it ready for grading.
A metaphor is, essentially, a figure of speech that compares one subject to another subject that is entirely unrelated, but shares the same concept. In essence, it is an analogy that helps a reader to relate to a concept in literature that may be more difficult for them to understand
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DeleteoMo8
DeleteI think that really is an interesting metaphor to the process of writing, that of engineering a new car. That you start off with the concept of parts, an abstract notion of how a particle segment should function, such as sentence structure, and you utilize it in your own unique way. That way, the conglomeration of the parts is something wholly new.
Here is my transcribed think-aloud protocol:
ReplyDeleteOkay so, I’m recording myself for the paper I have to write in Comp 1. We have to write about the sponsors of our literacy history. Let me think, when I was very very young, I would like, sit down and read with my parents and they would read to me out of books and the one thing that I distinctly remember was um, my father would like, he would have a book of animals filled with pictures and he would sit there and he would say “What sound does the horse make?” and I would sit there and make the sound of the horse, or the snake, or the elephant or any of those animals. So whenever, so I kind of think that started my, literacy experience because it helped me like, put the pieces together in my mind of what it is, like what I needed to be doing was related to books and things of that nature so,um, and it was funny because I never did it with my mom. Um, so as I became a little bit older, my mom would take me to a large library that we had located in the town that we lived in and I had a monthly allowance of books that I was allowed to take home. Usually like six or seven, usually under ten books, and I would get those every week or every couple of weeks and just read the little books. My mom bought me a lot of the little Golden books with a bunch of different stories, and so, I had many many books that I was able to read at home and my mom kind of provided me with that experience. I also had Leapster literacy things and I had the Brain Quest things, the Brain Quest packets that you flip, the little charts that you read them and quiz yourself on whatever subject and usually mine had to do with literacy. And, so whenever I got into grade school, I never liked math or science much, I was always very very fond of phonics and reading and um, you know, writing things and I loved phonics so much, it was my favorite subject. I always loved correcting sentences, it always made me feel very smart. Um, and we had, I always read in class. After or before recess, I don’t really remember which ones they were, whenever we had nap time in our,like, elementary school classes, I never slept. I was probably the only child in the room that never slept. I only only ever would sit in the corner and read books from our bookshelf in the classroom and uh, I think it was a little against the rules but I did it anyway. Um, let’s see. We also had,I think in our first or second grade classes, we had large shelves with different volumes of books and each of them contained different kinds of stories like fictional, non-fictional, just kinds of little fun stories, just all through it and each volume increased in difficulty and there were so many volumes on the shelf, you know like, ten or something like that, and it was our job to read them, like we would be issued a book and we had to read them at our own pace and we were graded on being able to read those books. I read them very very quickly and I read every volume in the class which other students did not do and because it was still so, so early in the year, I had to go get books from the higher grade levels because, because I was reading the ones at my level so quickly. So I went up a grade level in reading. I think at the end of my second grade year, I even received a trophy for reading so many books.
I got a reading trophy haha. And, once I got into the fifth grade and in middle school, like in the sixth grade, we had this we had this thing called the Accelerated Reading program and, AR for short, and it was um, where you, it had almost all the books, so many books, in the system, and once you read a book, you could take a little test on the contents of the story line and you would get a certain amount of points. And you know, usually the longer the book or the more difficult a book was, the more points you got. I saw it as kind of a challenge to get, see how many points I get and um, you could win prizes for it. I read around, I got so many AR points that I won everything, and you know the big sign in front of the school, there was a little marquee on the bottom, and I got, I even had my name put up on the marquee because I had achieved so many AR points, or I earned I mean, sorry. Um, I, once I got into the sixth grade we had Accelerated Reading competitions where I would like, or my sixth grade homeroom teacher had us, um, compete for how many students in the class, against each other and against her, see who could get the most Accelerated Reading points in the class for every month and whoever had the most at the end of every month would win a prize. It boiled down to myself and another girl, my friend, and the teacher. And one of us three always had the most the end of the month an um, it was awesome I loved the feeling of the competition and being able to earn so many points that other people couldn’t get. I always excelled at the reading and writing on the um, FCAT, SAT, ACT, and standardized test, I’ve always scored extremely well. In the fifth grade I was told I could read at the college level which was an incredible thing for me to be told because, I mean, I loved reading so much. When I was younger, because I was inspired by so many fictional stories like Harry Potter and things like that, I would write my own short stories and I would try to frame them off of the books that I read, you know, in my free time, and I mean, I would carry around a pad with me, and I would write, like jot down thoughts and notes constantly, constantly writing them down, and um, I would always think of new ideas to put into my books. And I hmm, I’ve taken a lot of my literacy sponsorship from music because music in itself is a story. I mean, I was in band for three years in middle school and in that time I learned how to read and write music and you have to, you have to read the notes like they’re a beautiful story. I mean, and lyrics accompanying the melodies and tunes of a song express so much and it just, it just helped me think in a different perspective and in a different light, ways that I could write things, ways that I could phrase things and ways that I could put emotion into my writing as the people and, as the artists and the musicians put their writings into their songs, into those stories and it helped me quite, quite a bit. Um, I’ve never really had a teacher who has given me good sponsorship with writing or reading, they’ve never really taught me anything that has really reached out to me but I’m, I kinda feel as if my, my sponsorship is self-motivated. I’ve always been the one to read books and try to read difficult ones, ones that suit my interest and ones that kind of help me with what I am trying to be writing about. I have also tried to enhance my vocabulary and so that whenever I am writing, instead of using common words, I can try to like, innovate and replace them with ones that are a little bit more advanced than the ones that people would be using. I try to be very mindful about what I’m reading and when I’m writing. I’ve just always had a love for words and hmm, I’ve always, I’ve always had a passion for literacy and literature in itself.
ReplyDeleteIt’s, it gives, it gives people an escape and it’s something that they can go to and I think that writing is a way to put your feelings, and towards when you don’t have any other way to express them. And that has been one way that I have been able to cope with writing, so, as much as I would love to say that someone or something has influenced me to write, I cannot say that. It is, I mean, my parents provided me with the materials, my teachers provided me with the subjects, but it’s been my job to go out and basically, make it all my own and make it something that I want to do, other than making it something that somebody else has tried to force me to do or something of that nature. So I try my hardest to write my best work and read as much as I can. I got a Nook for graduation and I couldn’t have been more happier. I always want to keep my bookshelves filled and my mind open to possibilities and new things to put into my writing and my reading.
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I didn't have much difficulty in recording myself brainstorming, although it did feel very awkward. Usually I just write outlines or keep the information in my head, and as soon as I begin to write, it just flows out. However, it did help immensely with remembering the information. I noticed that when I compose my papers, I tend to ramble a lot, which is something that I need to try to stay conscious about not doing. Overall though, I feel like it was very beneficial to me and I will consider doing think-aloud protocols in the future.
0037
ReplyDeleteBraiding is the process of revising my work. When I braid, I section my hair into strands (pieces) and as I braid down my scalp, grabbing more strands, I am building up to a full braid. Once I am finished I check and re-check for any imperfections; bumps, loose strands, and mistakes in my braid. Asking friends and family nearby if it looks good, I may alter minor imperfections by using a few bobby pins to pin down bumps and loose strands or I may just start from scratch if the mistakes are too extensive.
The metaphor of braiding hair to describe my revision process shows how I work through a piece of writing completely, then go back to alter any “bumps” or “loose strands.” My friends and family will help me by proof reading my work and pointing out anything I might not notice otherwise. If I make a few errors such as, grammar, misspelled words, unfocused paragraphs, and/or confusing thoughts I will make the adjustment in my work to correct these flaws. This would be similar to me pinning down bumps in my braid. When my writing, similar to my braid, is inadequate, I might also discontinue the revising phase of my work and completely start over with the brainstorming phase. This would only happen if I felt that my work can improve through a new thought process with new ideas and better research.
Jayda Burkhardt
0119
ReplyDeleteI had never thought about how metaphors were connected to the revision process before I read this article. Tomlinson opened my eyes to the many metaphors used, such as the ones used by the eight different writers: refining ore, casting and recasting, sculpting, painting, sewing and tailoring, tying things off, fixing things, and cutting. These different types of metaphors that were analyzed had the same purpose of editing writing to make it better and more coherent. Some of the writers focused more on editing and revising the writing as a whole, while others did small revisions. By doing small revisions solutions will be obtained in the long run rather than quickly. This however may have a negative effect on the whole at the end. It was explained that if there is poor “cutting”, vital material is removed. My metaphor is after a vacation I go home and sit down to take a look at all the pictures I took. Then I delete the ones that were blurry or just didn’t fit in and put the rest in a photo album specifically for that vacation. This means that after I am done with my rough draft, I go back and delete certain things that don’t belong to make the text fit together better with its purpose.
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So this is the beginning of my think aloud protocol. Umm I couldn’t really find anything else to record it on so I’m recording it on my tablet right now. An app I just downloaded. Umm I’m thinking. I’m trying to think of an overall theme to write about for my for my literacy narrative but I can’t really think about one right now so I guess I’ll just look over my literacy profile. Here’s where I have the experiences I’ve had in chronological order. From when I was little in kindergarten to now or about twelve grade. Um(Silence)Alright lets see..I’m reading the instructions on finding a main point or theme for the profile. Yea I knew this was gonna happen. I knew I would take forever to write my first paragraph but hopefully after the first paragraph I will be fine. I believe my main point will probably have to do with my experiences, from my early childhood um my big experience was moving from Puerto Rico to here. It had a big impact in my life and my literacy. Going from Spanish to English. Now I will start writing about my um past literl literaly literary experiences. I’ll write about how well the earliest literary experience I can remember I’ll write about that. Being a religious one. Reading books when I was really little. My parents reading books to me with prayers and stories about the Bible. (typing) I was reading religious books before I went to bed. Im basically just going to take the information from the literacy profile and put it on the narrative. I used the section of reading at an early age. Mm. Lets see.Umm. So it goes basically from me reading religious books at an early age to going to kindergarten and starting to learn how to write. Then going to elementary school. Learning different things like writing in cursive(cell phone rings)
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Well most of my think-aloud protocol consisted of planning what to write and brainstorming. As usual I took a long time trying to figure out how to start. I even said it out loud that I knew I was going to take forever to start. I was having trouble finding an overall main point or theme so I kept reading over the Literacy Narrative Assignment page to see if I could get any ideas. I tended to focus a lot on my literacy profile to organize what experiences I was actually going to put in my narrative. I noticed trends of silence when I started typing something. The factor that really impacted my composing process was not knowing how to start because I could think about an overall main point. The process impacted me because I knew I had to talk so it made me function slower because it was hard to speak and write. I needed complete silence to concentrate.
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ReplyDeleteThink Aloud Protocol:
Um, ok. I am going to start off by turning my literacy profile into essay form… and then taking pieces out of my profile that would help me prove my point about how my family’s expectations would… um, drive me towards being more interested in science and math because they wanted me to become a doctor. That’s why I couldn’t really move forward in my literacy, like become more interested in reading and writing in general. I’m going to show how I was interested in reading through school but I didn’t really pursue reading and writing as much as I did science and math because I was encourage to be a doctor, which is what I want to be now, but you don’t really need to be an “author” to be a doctor. So, first off… (Reading through my literacy profile)
So my point is going to be that all careers should be looked at with open minds and encouraged, that way we can broaden a student’s horizon and let them chose what they are interested in. Because my mom really encouraged me to be a doctor or a lawyer, you know a typical job that any parent would be proud of their child to be. Like, being a rock star was frowned upon because you didn’t need a degree to be one, or being an author was not, you know, it didn’t pay well and wasn’t immediate. It was full of rejection and not always promising.
(Reading through my essay) I never really had a huge interest in books, so I don’t really know where to go from here… (Typing, popping gum, sigh) I am so focused on trying to say what I think aloud that I can’t think. (Typing)
Jayda Burkhardt
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Deletethink aloud protocol continued...
(My friend, Perry, walks in and we start discussing what I’m writing about)
Him: So you’re saying that your reading and what you read in the past inspired you…
Me: no, that’s not what I’m saying…
Him: That’s what you just said?
Me: no, I’m saying that when I was little I would…
Him: that your parents wanted you to become a doctor and stuff like that…
Me: yeah
Him: but
Me: their expectations like steered me away from reading and more to like math and science, so I lost interest in reading, but when I got into high school I liked to read, but more like about biology and anatomy and stuff. My readings were more geared toward gaining more scientific knowledge
Him: yeah, so but, you had to know how to read to learn, right?
Me: yeah, I’m just going to say like… I’m going to put how the FCAT steers you away from reading. Like come on, didn’t you hate doing FCAT?
Him: yeah, yeah, yeah … they like teach to the FCAT
Me: yeah that’s what I put
Him: you can’t teach to beat a test.
Me: (reading a section of my essay to him) I’m going to say from then I declined… what’s the word? Not declined? Yeah? My reading declined? No my interest in reading declined. (Reading another section in my essay about being in high school and loving science) then I could say that the majority of my reading was science books
Him: yeah! Because you have to read to learn science!
Me: so I put these three sections together, then I’m going to put the FCAT now. I hate writing on a computer! But my profile is already on here and I don’t want to completely rewrite paragraphs and then retype them… Okay! Thanks for your help1 I appreciate it.
Him: you’re very welcome!
(I got a tad distracted)
Okay… (Reading through my essay, typing) I am going to add the points Perry and I talked about into my essay. So... (Typing) I cannot spell to save my life. Right now, it definitely doesn’t make any sense considering the order I put everything in, but it’s okay because I am going to change it around. I am just trying to get all my paragraphs in one area. Even though this is my essay, I kind of just put everything I am thinking there and then I turned them into full paragraphs. Now I just need to make it flow. (Typing) right now I kind of have two points going on, but they kind of like coincide with each other I guess. At least in my literacy experience they do. I have the fact that FCAT can constrict a student’s creativity and push them away from reading and writing. But I also have that people’s expectations can impact what direction a student might go in their life. So, I think I have everything I want now on this paper, I am done with my essay, looks good, and thanks for listening!
Jayda Burkhardt
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DeleteI think doing a think aloud protocol really teaches you how to put your own thoughts into words and full sentences. When a thought pops up, it is difficult to turn it immediately into words. It’s easier to just write a small note, rather than say it aloud. In my personal think aloud protocol, I noticed that I like to think mainly on the point I am trying to prove rather than how to make my essay flow or if I am using proper grammar. I just get all my thoughts on the subject out and into paragraphs, and then I go back and make it “pretty.” I also noticed that even when it’s something I am supposed to be doing alone, I still need a second opinion to bounce ideas off of. I enjoy seeing my work from someone else’s point of view or knowing that someone agrees. I do not think I did well describing my writing process, but maybe that is because it is as simple as thinking of a few statements that prove my point and turning them into sentences, then paragraphs, and creating a piece of writing. Doing this think aloud protocol was new and took me out of my comfort zone, but I will most likely stick to the way I do things and just jot down a small note for every idea that comes to me.
Jayda Burkhardt
0119 Part 1
ReplyDeleteIn "Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision", Tomlinson uses a collection of metaphors by writers describing their own revision processes, to show her audience difference ways they can revise theirs. Metaphors are an excellent way of explaining things that can't easily be imagined. By relating something non-tangible to a much more common item or process, the reader can more easily understand what the writer is describing. In the case of revising, it isn't impossible to describe each process, but it is much easier and much more interesting to think about smelting and refining ores or creating an oil painting. My revision process can be described by buying and setting up a new computer. You first must decide what specific computer you wish to purchase. This is symbolic of deciding the general message you wish to convey in your writing. Sometimes you don't get to choose the topic of your writing. In this case, you're stuck with the crappy cheap computer your not so tech savvy uncle bought you for your birthday. Next you have to decide what programs you will run on it. What word processor, web browser, video editor, photo editor, etc. will you use? This is the meat and potatoes of the writing. (metaphor within the explanation of a metaphor. Metaphor-ception). Now, which antivirus software will you use? In terms of writing, this is where you make sure your argument is as solid as possible and doesn't contradict itself. Once everything is installed, you have to set up your shortcuts and hot keys to make sure everything works smoothly and efficiently. Now, the final touches such as the wallpaper and color scheme can be dealt with. They aren't completely necessary, but as with your writing, the computer's interface will be more appealing later on.
0119 Part 2
ReplyDelete__________________________________________________________________________________________
Alright, starting my literacy narative. this is the think aloud protocal. I have several things on my literacy profile but not all of them are that important so I'm just going to focus on my more important ones. Just a couple of them. Starting with the introduction, I'm going to be writing about my parents reading to me, which hopefully all parents do. It's a general base where all people start learning how to read and write. And that actually sounds pretty good so I'll write something similar to what I just said. [pause][typing]...for most kids, parents are the first sponsors...[pause][typing] Alright, so I'm kind of just making this first paragraph to build a base that most kids start off really enjoying reading because it's time they get to spend with their parents. And as a child, that's enjoyable in almost any sense. Especially with little children, they love one on one attention from their parents. And so this creates a direct link with the child. The child associates reading time with fun time because they get to spend it with Mom or Dad. It starts the kids off liking reading because they enjoy reading and enjoy the stories. It starts the kid of on the right foot for reading. Then it's up to the teacher or the school to continue that. Whether the kid likes reading, if it's fun. Or if it becomes a chore. So now that I have that written up. I need to start to transition into my main.... my main idea. [pause][typing] Now i'm just reading through it and editing it a bit. which i probably shouldn't do because it's ruining the flow of my thought process... but whatever. When I get writers block i tend to go through and reread and hopefully pick up where i left off so i can continue on. [pause][typing] Alright so I've kind of found my footing again... and i'm moving on with this again... so we'll see.[pause][typing] So right now I'm mentioning my mother who's an elementary school teacher.. and at the time was in first grade so i was always surrounded by books....when i started going into school i was always surrounded by books at my level or could easily access books at my reading level so i was always... uhh. had something i could read. so that was quite encouraging. [typing] alright so i finished the first paragraph... or put up a basic frame work for it. so i'm continuing onto this second paragraph which is of my middle school... errr... about my middle school career where we were forced to... uhhh do the accelerated reader program. I use the word forced in a sense that we had to but we were still really free to read what we wanted as long as it was on the AR program and we could gain points. So the only thing we had to do was gain points....but we could read whatever we wanted. so that was... while we still had to do it but it encouraged us to read and it was still fun and enjoyable. there was also the added competition between friends to see who could get the most points and see how you could spend them at the school store to get cool prizes.... ha... like bouncy balls and stuff. so i'm going to continue writing [typing] I finished talking about accelerated reader and sort of the competitive nature of middle schoolers.. but that reading also doubled for book reports and whatnot. We were aloud to use pretty much any book on our reading level so the ability to pick a book from any genre was nice. As long as we were reading, teachers didn't really care what we were reading. Soo. um... a popular book then was the Eragon book series so... [pause] Since we were actually interested in what we were reading... and we could read any sort of fantasy book that we enjoyed, we really enjoyed reading. [pause][typing]
0119 Part 3
ReplyDeleteNow throughout high school, i had a couple good english teachers and a couple bad english teachers ummm... freshman and then senior year, the teachers weren't that great. going into high school, i did enjoy reading. I was reading the Eragon book series and enjoyed that and was looking forward to finishing the rest of them... but as high school progressed, me being forced to read books that I did not enjoy and then writing papers on them... ummm....very extensive papers... it just kinda ruined reading for me. And even after the Eragon book series continued and the other books came out, i just didn't get back into reading and don't particularly care for reading as a past time. so that's ruined.... pleasure reading for me. I do read for class when I'm required to but don't particularly enjoy it. In sophomore and junior year, i did have pretty good teachers though, both of which gave pretty good options for books to read... and when we didn't have an option of what to read, they did sort of go over the book in class and made it more fun and enjoyable. they helped us better understand what we were reading... cause when you're not interested in a topic, you don't particularly comprehend as well. In eleventh grade especially, for summer reading, we were given several choices of books to read. I read Angels and Demons, which I really did enjoy.. it was a great book. and although i didn't really enjoy free time reading at that point, it was... it made me enjoy reading a little bit more. Unfortunately once again in senior year, she kind of ruined reading for me once again. For other classes, if the reading was interesting, such as phsycology. i really did enjoy phsycology. I really did enjoy doing the readings.... and the papers on it. I didn't mind as much writing. but when it comes to reading that I don't enjoy, it's really tough for me to write papers.
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For the literary narrative, I focus mostly on remembering details of my literary past. The general idea is important, but examples of what happened or how I felt are crucial to selling the point I'm trying to make. While writing, I try and plan ahead of time which examples I'll use and how I'll relate them to my main idea. I figure out how I'm going to word my sentences once I get into my poetic writing mindset. If I'm experiencing writers block, my writing gets much more simplistic as I try to get simple ideas written down. I then go back afterwards to revise the idea once I'm no longer having trouble thinking. I didn't particularly care for the think-aloud protocol. It severely slowed down my writing process and interrupted my thought process as I tried to form coherent sentences to say out loud. I often found myself saying useless information just so I had something to transcribe. I didn't mind typing up the audio though. I'm relatively quick at typing and found it calming to just type what i was listening to.
0119- Part Uno
ReplyDeleteWhile reading Tomlinson’s piece, I realized that I have never thought of using metaphors to compare writing processes to different things. I have always thought of metaphors as a way to spice up a paper or any form of an assignment to make one look descriptive. Anyways, throughout my reading process of Tomlinson’s piece I constantly thought of what I could compare my revision process to. I noticed that as I was reading each and every comparison I was kind of smiling and nodding my head because I agreed with everything the revision process is compared to, but I really wanted to make my own comparison that I could FULLY relate to. After reading Tomlinson’s work and annotating it on Labor Day (September 3rd) I then looked at the blog spot page to see what this week’s writing was about, and lucky for me it was what I wanted to do the whole time while reading the work so I was happy as all get out. On another note, I, like everyone freshman and sophomore at UCF went to Day Glow this weekend and have known that I was going to be attending it since July, but unlike everyone in the freshman and sophomore class here, I actually tried to prevent procrastination and get all of my work done and thoughts together for this blog before Saturday, knowing that on Saturday and Sunday I wouldn’t want to be doing anything but vegitating. So starting at about Tuesday after ENC got out I began to brain storm whenever I had a moment of clarity in my head. At first, I thought of the idea of my revision process resembling driving to a destination when running late. I thought about how when you’re running late you speed and always seem to catch every red light humanly possible. I thought that the speeding in the car was kind of like writing itself, and then the red lights were where one stops for a second and fixes up their work, and yellow lights were where one slows down because they don’t like the way their work is sounding so they are going to need to check it soon. Then, after the car idea another idea popped into my head as I was sitting at work on Thursday night. I realized that my revision process could be compared to pitching. I thought about how pitching strikes and striking out batters or making them ground out or pop up could be like writing, and how when one walks a batter, starts to throw in accurately, or starts to throw totally fat meat balls down the plate that get spanked they have to step back as an athlete and think about what in their pitching form is going wrong and making them throw in such a way. I figured that could be compared to stopping and picking out what one likes and what one doesn’t like in a piece and revising it until they finally win the game, or well in this case finish their paper to their best ability. Lastly, my final metaphor and the one I find the most fitting came to me as I came home from Day Glow last night. I got back to my dorm with a few friends around 3:30am and began to turn on the TV and make food. When we turned on the TV there was nothing on…until…we hit Nickelodeon and
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ReplyDelete....was on…although we all felt stupid and immature…we decided to watch it anyways because it was hilarious and fun to reminisce with. It was the episode where SpongeBob tries to get his boaters license. Anyways I think of my writing process this way because I seem to type like a crazy person as fast as I can when I am writing so that I can get everything that is going on in my mind down on paper, after I am finished typing I then re-read over the sentences and CONTANLY repeat out loud the sentences of which I do not like until I can think of a way to make them sound smooth and interesting. In the famous SpongeBob episode, SpongeBob drives fast and crazy like a “maniac” without a care in the world, and this could be my writing itself since I type like a mad hatter. Also in the episode SpongeBob has to take his boater’s test to get his license, Mrs. Puff (his boating teacher), assigns him a short essay which is to finish the following sentence ‘What I learned in boating school is…..’ and SpongeBob being the silly fellow he is, cannot even finish the damn’ sentence and repeats out loud for like 10 minutes of the episode ‘WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS, WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS, WHAT I LEARNED IN BOATING SCHOOL IS….’ until he finally comes up with a finished product which passes him and bestows his boater’s license upon him. I feel as if I am like SpongeBob taking that test when I am revising because I repeat my work over and over again out loud until I find something that works, and when I find something that works I feel accomplished, just like SpongeBob did when he got his license.
0119- PART DOS
ReplyDeleteMy Trascribed Think-Aloud Protocol
Alright here goes my think aloud protocol ummm I am doing it off of my iPhone I didn’t even know my iPhone had a voice recorder like this but this is pretty cool. I am setting up the way I want my document to be typed out on word… Okay single spaced after 0 point, and here we go… and I always like to put in a font I like I always put it in Arial narrow because I like the way it looks on the page, it looks neat but not too text book as times new roman does… I feel kind of awkward considering my roommates are all outside in the living room area but I don’t care because I want to get this done so here we go I am writing my name on the page… So I can feel like I am doing something right. Now I am coming up with a main theme…Alright ummm let me come up with a main theme. I am typing up a main theme in my word document… and I think the main theme for my literary narrative.. I mean literacy narrative…GOD I keep messing that up…is it literacy and literary!!!?? Anyways I think that the main theme would probably be going after goals…no wait I don’t think it is that…basically I have a drive and when I want something I go for it and keep trying for it until I get it. Ummm… my sponsor is almost myself because I push myself to become as literate as possible because I always want better for myself. So now I would say my main theme is hmmm.. my main theme would be…gosh this is really tough….I think that my main theme is probably achieving goals… but I don’t like the sound of that…I mean I don’t make super specific goals for myself, I rather see something I want then work towards it but I guess that is technically going after a goal. Hmm.. hmm. Let’s see I will make my main theme… this is actually really difficult.. oh my main theme will be ‘One Can Achieve Anything If They Try Hard Enough’…Sounds good? Sounds good! Okay anyways, now I am looking back at the writing studies website just so I can check and look at what you kind of want and get an idea, you as in I am talking to my professor for this class… That sound kind of weird… ummm.. Let me see.. So I need to investigate my past literate experiences… and make an overall point….Okay ummm. So basically describe my history and make a main point about it! Sounds good! So now I am opening up my literacy profile. Just so I can get a good idea….
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ReplyDeleteAs I look at my……Literary…I mean Literacy profile, damn I keep messing that word up it’s so annoying…Hmmn….(moment of silence)..hmmn hmmn hmmn I noticed that my theme, now that I looked at my profile again would be … going after my goals after all…I don’t know why I didn’t like that 5 min ago but okay…everyone makes goals for themselves… now I think I should pick out main ideas out of every little subset I made off of my literacy profile, but wait I also like the idea that one can achieve any goal if they try hard enough or how bout…overcoming…downfalls to achieve goals. I will probably change that but that is how I like it right now. I hate doing that 3 paragraph crap but it’s what I’m used to at the moment and the only thing I can think of. Wait I’ll make it a 5-7 paragraph essay since I have a lot to write about.
Silence
Anyways the main points I want to add: Wanting to be able to read what my parents were reading to me, wanting to be adult like due to the fact I am the youngest of my family including my 25 cousins (all written at the time of speaking). I would put…hmmmn…silence…wanting to be successful at the age of 5 and I would also put………wanting to put meaning behind my writing…and last but not least I would put….wanting affection and attention from my parentals…okay..umm…….hmmnnnnnnnnnn………….ill put a little sub set on how I used to look up classic rock lyrics because I was such a cool kid, not! Hmmnn I will put my…sophomore and junior year literary sponsors. For freshmen and senior year I had sucky sponsors…they sucked, man I hated Mrs. Moseley and Sister Michael Patrick was crazy… wow I’m rambling but whatever. Now I can begin my essay! What’s a good thesis….silence…alright here it goes. Throughout my lifetime I have…significantly, obviously, grown as both a reader and a writer
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ReplyDeleteTomlinson had a variety of different types of metaphors relating to the revision of a writing piece. The metaphor that I created for my revision process was scarping off the burnt parts of food. This metaphor relates to the editing process of eliminating the not so good parts of your writings. You can imagine taking a knife and scarping off the black outside of your grilled cheese sandwich. This is similar to revising writing where you take out the mediocre sections and leave yourself with the desired product. This metaphor can also be connected to the fact that writings are typically done in black ink which is the same color as the burnt outside of food. It may seem ridiculous tying food and writing together, but there is no denying a connection there.
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Well right now I am recording myself with my phone and writing my Literacy Narrative paper. The story of my literacy background was already kind of written out in my Literacy Profile but I’ll expand on it more in this paper. My parents had to work a lot when I was younger so I started going to school when I was three and that was where my reading/writing career began. When I was in elementary school I absolutely despised reading, mainly because my Mother forced it upon me. I thought of it as such a tedious and pointless task at the time but now I realize how important it is. My Mom made reading seem like a chore to me when I was younger which explains why I hated it so much. I wish that I would have developed a positive outlook on reading at an earlier age. Once I got to middle school I realized that you could build your vocabulary by reading books and learning new words from them. So that was when I changed and began enjoying reading much more. I like reading and writing when the subjects are interesting to me, but I still struggle with it. I really love reading but I do not necessarily have the free time to do as much reading as I would like to. As for writing, I do not particularly care for it. I have never been very confident with my writing skills and I would much rather read something that someone else has created.
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The think aloud protocol was strange at first because I am not use to talking out loud while writing. In a way it sort of distracted me from focusing on my writing, but I am sure that if I were to continue to use this technique it would be helpful. I noticed that I tend to focus on just about everything else in the room when I am trying to write a paper. You can hear me getting off topic and multiple pauses throughout my recording. I tended to pay more attention to my phone than to my pen and paper while writing this which is a negative factor. I realized that I should probably turn off my phone the next time I try composing an important paper.
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ReplyDeletethrough...not only…not only…not only…through…through literary..not only…through literary sponsors…idk what to put..I have grown as both a reader and a writer through not only my literary sponsors but my drive to obtain goals and…goals I make for myself. And I’m going to add to my subthemes me winning the softball world series because that was an important thing for me. As a reader and a writer I have grown significantly…and through my own drive I make for myself now….(PURE SILENCE FOR 6 SECONDS) ummm let me talk about myself real quick…my growth in literacy springs from my constant crave ……I have had since the age of 5 to be successful. I consider that being successful means one…means one…has achieved…………….silence…..has achieved their personal goals……..and is also a step….above everyone above the majority the people that are of age.. Sounds good okay. (reread) I don’t like that…but through my own desire to obtain goals for myself…hmmm….silence. Here we are going to make this short and sweet it doesn’t need to be fancy right now, I can fix it up later.….silence…okay throughout my lifetime I have grown as a reader and writer though my literary sponsors as well as my drive to obtain goals. Okay now I’m going to keep writing but my recording time is done it’s been about 20 minutes. Okay this is going to suck to type up but whatever let’s see what I can find out about myself.
When I read the article “Tuning, Tying, and Training Texts: Metaphors for Revision,” written by Barbara Tomlinson, I could relate most to the examples discussing painting or sculpting and cutting. I liked the examples because of the refinements processes they define and how they go about completing those processes. When Alberto Moravia talked about oil painting and revision as many layers on top of each other it made me think of how all of the small details can be collected and made into a comprehensive and effective work. Sculpting takes a little more effort to chip away pieces but there still exists some delicacy to roughness. I believe that writing should be considered an elaborate art form because of the revision process. I also like the metaphor used that described cutting and pruning plants; I like to write in the same way. I think it is better to write and write and write until you finish the narrative or point you are trying to make. This way you have all of your ideas written down without the interruption of the refinement process. Afterwards, you can “cut away” the unnecessary “leaves” of the piece of have a beautiful, thriving “plant.”
ReplyDeleteThe examples I realized that I did not like included refining ore and casting. This is because both of these methods required so much added work for little reward; it is not worth the opportunity cost. I think that when writing, especially when writing something you are passionate about, the ideas and words should come easier. James Dickey says that, “I do it by a process of elimination. . . It just that it takes so damn much labor to get it.” And I believe that he is correct. Although, the process of casting and recasting suits my writing style more effectively, once again I don’t like al of the extra revision work involved. I do however like that in this method things can be changed without a complete discard of the first drafts.
All of the metaphors acknowledged in this article all show how many methods can be used successfully to perform certain tasks and create something from your own ideas and thoughts; shows the originality of the mind. I believe that Barbara Tomlinson does a god job in showing these processes and how they can improve upon all types of work and how you can go about writing pieces and reviewing others’ pieces in a respectful manner.
The metaphor that I am choosing is that of completing a 3-D puzzle. A puzzle such as this needs to be done with careful delicacy while paying attention to the details located on the inside of the piece. You start your puzzle with a base piece and build from there. The base piece would be your introduction sentence, the outside of the puzzle would be the main idea you are trying to convey, and the complicated pieces in the middle would be the heart and gut of your story. In this you would have a complete picture but not before closely examining everything you put into the work and rearranging those pieces to make them flow and fit into the correct image.
I did not like the think-aloud protocol because it made me feel awkward about what I was writing. I do not like to give speeches and to go through this process made me feel as though I was giving an out-of-body speech to myself about my own ideas. I wanted to go back to each sentence and change something about it with made me question my writing as a whole. I felt as though I shouldn’t have been writing what I was writing because as I read other thoughts on the subject would become apparent in my mind which made me feel as though I would go off topic and included many things unnecessary to the point I wished to make clear; with my mind and writing travelling down different paths it was becoming hazy.
0119
ReplyDeleteA writing process can occur in many ways and can be shown through many different metaphors. My particular view of my style of writing is fairly unusual, at least compared to the examples of Barbara Tomlinson. Unlike how the examples of Tomlinson described their writing, my writing is a seed. When I write I develop my thoughts into somewhat of a tree; the idea that I form is continued through all the sentences and the thoughts, enabling my idea to form new ideas along the path of my essay. When my idea begins it is nothing more than a simple thought, but like a seed it can turn into a short, beautiful flower or a massive tree that overshadows the events behind it. Though I do not disagree with the metaphors that Tomlinson’s examples propose such as the refining ore or the sculpting, I do believe that essays are more than just revision. To be revised an essay first has to be created, and that is where my metaphorical addition to her essay comes into play. The beginning seed that I described turns into a tree or flower. The tree essay can grow massive and out of proportion and need to be trimmed of the excess thoughts that it incorporates in the essay. The flower, on the other hand, happens when the rough draft has no excess. In the circumstances of the flower scenario the rough draft is not necessarily as perfect as it can be, but in reality there is no perfect essay. Essays can always be flawed, damaged, and unfinished, but the writer strives to bring his or her essay as close to perfection as they can make it. As I read the refining ore metaphor of James Dickey, I noticed that Tomlinson says “the comments of many other writers suggest that few find their ‘gold’ lying about on the ground.” (255) This sentence is the reason I differentiate between a flower and a tree. Flowers can be noticed easily, but a tree will not be a sight to be hold unless something particularly unique has happened to it. If the essay becomes a tree it needs to be trimmed or watered; I must admit this part of my though came directly from the metaphor of William Goyen, who talked about writing being like sculpting.
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“Alright, let’s get this started. So this is going to be a little weird because I do not like recording myself or my voice. So the whole project we are doing is writing as a metaphor. So lets see the beginning of the assignment, ‘you must consider Tomlinson's argument about metaphors conveying significance regarding the revision process. You should come up with your own revision metaphor that helps you to elucidate what your revision process is like. After coming up with your metaphor, you should investigate and elaborate on how the metaphor works. It may help you to start this exercise by looking up what a metaphor is. Certainly, Tomlinson covers some different metaphors in her piece, but having a working definition of what a metaphor is may help you deliver a more effective posting. Also, I might suspect that the metaphors of students such as yourselves will take on different connotations and denotations than those metaphors developed many years ago.’ So I guess I’m making a metaphor right now. Alright. I gotta be honest its a little weird recording my voice so it’s going to be a different writing process from normal. So I’ll start over now. According to Tomlinson’s examples we revise our drafts more than we know. Yeah still doesn’t sound good so.... I don’t really know how to start this. To be honest it’s a little crazy. Usually it just flows naturally but this time its just kind of odd. Uhm. Let’s see. If you are wondering why I am looking off to the side it’s because I have my book. Nothing weird I promise.”......... “So if we writing about our metaphors I guess I’ll start right there. I will put a beginning on it later. Saving the best for last what can I say. My particular way of writing is........
0119
ReplyDeleteTomlinson has presented in her writing many examples of writing revising metaphors which I’m sure all of us can relate to at one time or the other. However, her examples are from her own literary research of about 25 years ago so could you really say that her examples justify how we metaphorically view our revising process today? I say nay personally due to the main fact that our thoughts are never the same. We may have our moments of like-wise thinking but I believe the writing process is unique to the writer that is formed through the modeling of a sponsor and the literature we are exposed to. Although this is something extra, I’m starting to see the main theme of these blogs you give us, to understand and realize how writing process is something you can’t just learn in a matter of minutes or days, it is a skill we build on our whole lives. But to get back to the main topic of Tomlinson I’d have to say my revision process is “a deserted highway and I am the car”. This sounds silly but let me explain. I am the car, a writer looking to reach from point A (the beginning) to point B (my destination), and the deserted highway is the roadway to that destination. There are many exits and many turnpikes for me to change direction or lose my course along the way. This is how I feel as a writer also. The different roads and turns represent different topics or ideas I can throw into my writing. These “shortcuts” can either enhance my writing or possibly slow it down, maybe even to a complete stop. Turnpikes are those times in the revision process when you need to basically scratch a majority of what you just wrote and start fresh from a solid foundation. In the end, I decide the route I want to take to the perfect paper, whether it is one full of revisions (exits for food, turnpikes, missed turns due to rambling off topic, etc.) or a sure fire shot to my destination, it is my way.
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0119 part 2
ReplyDeleteI have an idea which I am going to try.” ............. “Alright so know just left off where I was before. I turned quicktime on so now you can see what I am writing. Alright? Alright. Good thing we have things covered. So where I was before, my particular style of writing is very unusual. Instead of.....hmm.... let’s go back a little. Unlike how the examples of Barbara Tomlinson described their writing, my writing is more like a seed. Which to be honest it kind of is even though I don’t really realize it. Not just trying to make everything up....ish.... somewhat I’m trying to rush it. Gotta be honest. Unlike how the examples of Barbara Tomlinson described their writing, my writing is a seed. When I write I develop my thoughts into... wait. It’s a metaphor; can’t have like or as. When I write I develop my thoughts into... what word am I looking for? When I write I develop my thoughts to a... tree? Yeah.”
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This section of my think aloud protocol ( which in total ran for 27 minutes,) was the beginning of my essay. In the beginning, everything was a blur. I, like most people I would imagine, do not do well when I am being recorded. To be honest my essay started out as me just trying to start thinking in an awkward situation, but as the essay progressed and I became more comfortable I began to recognize how not only my essay could sprout like a flower but also my metaphor. My metaphor started as a seed descriptively and metaphorically. Strangely enough, I used my metaphor on my metaphor to grow a more meaningful and legitimate metaphor. Still, even though I do believe that my think aloud protocol was a success, I would not recommend this method. It is incredibly awkward and terrifying at the beginning, but it did help me understand my process a little better so I am thankful for it. Whether I like it or not is still undecided, but what I learned about my writing is very concrete. My writing (at least under pressure) flows better when I need to rush. At the beginning I had a lot of time, but as the time deadline grew closer I became more hurried and the thoughts started flowing through my head. Also, when I have more time I tend to mess up more and feel the need to go back. However, when I am hurried I still feel the need to revise but I know where and what to revise. After my transcription stopped in the section above, my thoughts flew through my head effortlessly. This, I now realize, is because the beginning of the essay is very important to me. I like to have a strong beginning that I continue through the whole essay.
0119
ReplyDeleteMichael Marinari
Think Aloud Protocol
Okay, it is 10:32 exactly an hour and a half before this is due and procrastination has hit me once again as I begin my literacy narrative…soooo…I already forgot how I am supposed to write this…so I am on the blog spot page…and..umm..basically I am writing about the literary sponsors and blah blah blah uhhh… okay so I already wrote the profile so now I have to find a theme within the profile and find what I can base my paper on. Obviously the theme guides my writing or the story, like it says on the blog spot page… So.. So..I’m not too sure what my theme is..but my peers said my theme is ummm..my mind set of being the best, and accomplishing all of my goals..which I compared to Pokémon HAHA! I think ym professor can relate to that because he used to play adventure roll games like Zelda…. Ummm…So I am just reading over and re-reading the directions so I can get a full handle on what I should be writing…
Silence
I obviously want my narrative to have an impact on my professor and me. I am going to go with the theme my peer told me because I think that is pretty strong. Now I am writing my name at the top of the page… My Theme… colon…. I am gonna actually change it up a little… ‘Having the Mind Set of Being the Best, Accomplishing All of Your Goals, and Going Out and Exploring the new’ that my main theme… and that is my start… That sounds like such a Disney, broad, fairytale type of theme but whatever motivates you motivates you. Anyways, I should start getting writing…hmmm let’s break down my profile….I should add about good night, moon…and how it taught me rhyme scheme….. Anyways I am going to write about….Mrs. Cason was my literary sponsor in 1st grade…We will write about…Actually I am just going to mark her down as my sponsor rather than write a full sentence write now I just to remind myself to add her into my paper…
Silence
I am going to talk about game boy and Pokémon, because I was obsessed with it hard core…and it kind of taught me my main theme… I mean it’s a video game but whatever…
Silence
Ummmm…in 3rd grade another literary sponsor I had was… what was her name?… I don’t remember her name… but I am just going to write my 3rd grade teacher…well she helped me get into Harry Potter… and that spiked my interest in reading and vocabulary…and I would have to say creativity too.. because she would have us write journal entries about things and would give me extra credit when I included Harry Potter in them… I am also going to add Maximum Ride by James Peterson.. I loved that book…Another thing I am going to add…my lack of caring to read or write in middle school.
Sooo….6th through 8th…and then…main this is a pain in the ass but then…high school 9th-12th I did not have a sponsor…but I did have ummm..great novels to read…they included the Alchemist, I thought that was a good read even though I got made fun of..Brave New World…umm…and I really liked Frankenstein…and I liked Animal Farm as well…I wanted to read 1984… well I’m getting off topic but basically in high school the only thing that interested me English class wise…. Because nobody likes writing research papers…but I found that although I hated the research papers….they taught me how to write and analyze on a college level so that I sound literate and informative in my writings….Although didn’t like it they did teach me something… Oh wait another important sub set isn’t school relate it’s sports, mainly soccer and football….ummm..they taught me how to act as a team mate and as a friend and I know that sounds typically but they really helped formed my personality so I am typing about that. I’m narrowing it down…I’m going to say…Particularly the way I act and hold myself to situations is based on sports and my reading of novels…Anyways I have now been talking for 20 and only have a thesis but I transcribed my brainstorming…and time.
Caleb Campbell - 0037
ReplyDeleteThrough thorough analysis of Barbara Tomlinson’s Metaphors of Revision it is evident that the process of revision can be explained through many different circumstances. Tomlinson provided multiple different explanations to how the process of writing can easily be paralleled to many of life’s basic processes. I feel as if her comparisons gave her audience something they could easily relate to. Although many of the processes such as refining ore, casting and recasting, along with sculpting and painting were similar in terms of revision, each action had its own sense uniqueness about it. No one process was exactly the same. I find this relationship to be very similar in the aspect that no two individuals have exactly the same revising process as another. Ultimately, Tomlinson’s initiation of the use of metaphors and how they relate to the revision process brought me to come up with my own metaphor for how I think throughout my own revising. I like to look at my process as “producing a school play.” Most school plays are reproductions of classical scripts such as Shakespeare or other playwrights. What makes a play special is the way in which the school is able to reproduce it along with adding their own personal touch to it. The first initial part of a play consists of choosing which play that you actually want to reproduce. Once the play is chosen the next step is casting the play. I would compare the casting as being similar to the process of gathering the best and most suitable ideas. These ideas or “actors” each have their own assets and abilities that add to the play or piece itself. After assigning the roles comes rehearsal. Rehearsal would be similar to the process of editing and fine tuning the ideas. Each actor must be on the same page with cues or else the whole play itself is a complete failure. This is a lot like composing a paper. Everything must have perfect flow or sometimes the content is lost along the way. Ultimately, the process of producing a play is very complex and I believe it is extremely similar to the overall revision process.
So I read the prompt and try to think about how I'm going to go about writing and expressing the thoughts I have on the subject. I will then write some of the middle paragraphs so I know the insides of my writing before i write the ending and the beginning so I know what to include in the rest of my examples.
ReplyDelete0119 PART 3
ReplyDeleteI found that I was talking to Prfessor Longhany in my work so that I noticed that I try to think about my audience when writing my papers. I also realized that when i am thinking I constantly repeat myself and get off topic on to subject of which interest me more. When i was listening to myself talk I thought i sounded goofy. Although it was a fun tool I didn't like doing this because I found it to be slowing me down.
After going back over my think-aloud-protocol I realized how messy my thoughts really are. I seemed to go off on a bit of a tangent where I was throwing out ideas left and right. I found it way harder to organize my thoughts when I was speaking them aloud. I also realized that what I actually thinking is often completely different from what I am saying. So for me, the think aloud process wasn't as effective as I thought it would be. My biggest struggle seems to be finding a way to organize my thoughts along with getting them all out and not forgetting any important ideas. Another interesting concept that i saw in my protocol is I never really composed but simply thought out my entire process. It wasn't until after hearing my protocol that I actually wrote down any words. Ultimately, this think-aloud-process was a definately a new experience that I ended up enjoying.
ReplyDelete0M08
ReplyDeleteI consider my revision process to be like putting together a complicated puzzle that has hundreds of little pieces. When starting on of these puzzles, one always starts by putting together the edges of the puzzle. Then, you work on the different sections. The last part of finishing your puzzle is like my revision process for writing. I have the bulk of the work done. Now, I am just taking what's left and seeing what fits. I am adding in the little parts that fit into the big sections of the puzzle. However, this metaphor is not all-inclusive. It overlooks the aspect of deletion. When finishing a puzzle, I would not take out parts that I have already placed, because they clearly belong there. When I am revising a paper, sometimes removing parts is necessary because what I previously thought fit into the paper no longer does, or it never really did.
Although this metaphor does describe my revision process, it also describes other parts of the writing process. The idea of gathering the edges of the puzzle can describe the early stages of writing. I am putting together the overall outline of the paper which gives me something to work with. Next I work one the different sections of the paper, similarly to how I would focus on sections of a puzzle. Once the bulk of the paper is worked out, I go back and fill in what's left. Some what like putting in the final pieces of a puzzle.
I thought the analogy you used was very unique, and it is easy to see you are a generally well-organized writer (such as when you compare your writing to working on a puzzle in sections). Your revision process also seemed to mirror those of the authors in Tomlinson's essay that described their own process as "patching" and filling in parts to fix up their work (cutting, sewing, fixing things); rather than change everything, you state that you simply "take what's left and see what fits". I also liked that you noted other aspects of your writing that don't completely fit with your metaphor, which is just as important to the writing process.
DeleteBeing that we use metaphors every day in our language and writing, I never realized how big of an impact metaphors have on our writing processes! The way Tomlinson gives examples of each person and the way they process their writing, I completely relate to every story. Each story linked together to further explain the meaning of a metaphor and the relations to the composing process. I am similar in the ways of which Gore Vidal in “Painting” refers to himself as a painter while writing. If I were to write about my own experiences of my writing process, I would explain myself in the same way. When I write, I begin from beginning to end, whether there are mistakes or not, I write until I’m done, then I go back and finish the details and clean up problems I made. Being a painter, I do the same exact same thing. I begin to draw and I don’t stop until the picture almost looks like it’s supposed to look, then I go back and finish the details to finish the product. If I start writing and get stuck on a sentence and I keep working on it over and over to get it right, I forget what my intentions were to complete the story or paragraph as a whole. Instead of worrying about my mistakes right then and there, I finish my whole writing and come back. This way I don’t waste time and I get every idea in my head out so that I don’t forget it later.
ReplyDelete-Gille, 0037 Part 1
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ReplyDeleteOkay to start off, this is my think aloud protocol that I honestly think is so awkward to be talking out loud to myself, but I have to do what I need to do. Of course I’m putting my name in the top right corner of the page. Okay.. I already started the brainstorming part of my literacy analysis assignment through answering the questions that Professor Longhany asked. So a lot of the questions were asking about my earliest memories of reading and writing as a child. My first thoughts of earliest readings are when my mom would read a book to me every night before sleep and the bible stories I would be read to in church and from my family. I remember loving to be read to before I went to sleep because before the story would be over, I would fall asleep and dream of the endings. I loved to be creative and reading was a way for me to think on my own and get away from whatever was worrying me as a 3 year old. Also, my older brothers formed me into the reader I became because of the certain books they would read to me. Instead of reading of barbies and princesses like the girls down the road, I was more interested in reading about snakes and superman. Those things seemed to spark my interest into becoming the reader I am today. As a child and even in middle school, I hated to wait until the ending to see what happens…doesn’t everyone? I would read the last chapter to see what happens and it would kill the whole book for me. I know everyone has done it, so you can’t judge me. I just hated suspense, yet I loved it at the same time. I really liked Nancy Drew. That was random. But I did, because of the suspenseful part of it. In elementary school, FCAT started and I really hated it. I wasn’t even good at it either. To work on our reading skills, our teacher would make us read a book and every time we said we were done with a book, she would give us a candy bar thing. It made me think that reading was just a joke and I didn’t need to be serious about it because all the reward is, is a milky way or something to give me cavities or make me hyper and eventually get me in trouble in school. So eventually reading just became a chore and something I was forced to do, so I rarely ever enjoyed it. Okay I’ve talked enough about my reading experiences, now for writing. I really loved to write in elementary school and in 2nd grade I began writing stories for children. I would write my heart in my stories out and make everyone I knew read them and tell me what they thought. No one ever gave me negative feedback so I swore one day I would become an author. After beginning FCAT in 3rd grade, I wasn’t allowed to be as creative in my writings because of the stupid way FCAT scores their essays. I was forced to write in a certain format, with the five paragraphs and hooks and crap like that. It completely turned me off from wanting to ever write or read again. What was the fun of writing because I was forced? I really wanted to enjoy myself and not do things because I was forced. Hopefully now that I’m in college, I will read more and become more passionate about writing and reading; and not do it just because I had to but because I want to! Okay I think I’m done now, I don’t really know what else to talk about.
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The think-aloud protocol turned out a whole lot easier than I thought it would be! I didn’t stutter often and I kept on track the whole time. I didn’t even say um at all, which was surprising. I realized that I just kept everything personal and I never sounded professional like I usually try to sound like when I write. I talked about my earlier experiences as a child more than I did lately like in high school; mainly because I literally never read unless I absolutely had to in high school, so I had more “reading experiences” in elementary and middle school. I’m realizing now that I need to read more so that I have more to talk about when I have these experiences.
-Gille, 0037 Part 2
0119
ReplyDeleteOne of the “tags” on GreenPeace blogs is climate change. When you click on this tag, the most recent posts related to climate change are shown together. These posts can be seen as multiple authors contributing to the same rhetorical situation. Grant-Davie’s piece “Rhetorical Situations and Their Constituents” can be used to analyze this conversation. At the end of all of the posts related to climate change, the authors, or rhetors, write empowering statements. One example in an article about hurricane Sandy read, “We must clearly and powerfully demand that global warming stop being used as a politically divisive tool and start being recognized as the long term crisis that it is.” All of the rhetors have a common goal. The goal of their discourse is to provide evidence and motivation for people who are likely to make a difference. The authors understand the need for bottom-up pressure. If their readers are convinced that this is a worthy cause they will confront politicians and corporations. They will tell powerful people what they should do to reduce the effects of climate change. All of the GreenPeace contributors want to educate a large number of people on issues like climate change to start a more effective movement for change.
From the research I have conducted on my digital discourse community, I have come to notice that the atmosphere that surrounds my community is informal yet respectful and modern. Between Facebook groups and brand name business sites, similarities are prominent amongst both. Because of its informalities, concepts such as Discourse from Gee and Error by Williams are lightly taken. Gee defines Discourse as a community that contains and “identity kit” or overall general personality that many of the people within community exhibit. The “identity kit” for my community is easily recognizable due to the common friendly attitudes and approaches but some of the personalities on the site are extremely different.
ReplyDeleteGrant Davie outlines concepts in his work that incorporate most of the aspects of this digital discourse community. I noticed that the rhetors, the people who speak or in this case post, that create or post on forums and groups all have the same desire of exigency in the actions. These rhetors commonly just want to be involved or get others involved in the community to expand its influence and be surrounded by others who share the same interests. An interview conducted on the creator on the Facebook Group UCF longboarding revealed that my hypothesis was correct. A quote from Sean Roberts, “The reason for creating the group on Facebook was to try and get many people to go together on longboarding runs”, makes the exigency, or reason, behind the creation of the group simple and narrow but it does not restrain the potential outcomes of communication within the community.
Another aspect of the community that I had not thought of before the start of the research came noticeable once I analyzed more data within the community. People from the Facebook Group started posting not words, but pictures and videos of their longboards or them longboarding. I feel this can be expanded to create a different perspective or angle of looking at the community and it can reveal more about the activity systems or common goals of the community.
Evidence: There is a 23 year old woman on my blog who is posting about how she is getting cold feet about being engaged at a young age
ReplyDeleteContextualize: This example of evidence can be compared to Mirabelli’s work in that responders of her posts use the concept of multiliteracies because they read what type of person she is and want to know the whole situation. This also relates to Gee because I feel as if this young lady would have never out loud said this and talked about it except for behind a computer screen where other people are interested in love related issues. We naturally have an innate nature to use discourses and change ourselves according to our surroundings. This woman is a prime example of that because she is going to a private source where she will not have a fear of judgment for her justification of her feelings.
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In Flyertalk.com, people, called “FTers”, or Flyer talkers, can post about any experiences, good or bad, that they have had within the service industry. In the situation I am analyzing, posted by a FTer, we can compare the flying attendant situation to one of the first points James Paul Gee makes, when establishing that language is not just how you say something, but “what you are and do when you say it”. In other words, how you use that language matters. The situation described by this “FTer” is a particular one where a worker in the service industry is not doing her job well, which provokes the writer of this post to share his experience along with seeking advice on what he should do about it. This is the exigence for this FTer to share his experience with the entire community. A great number of posts in the Flyertalk community are similar to this one, where members are free to share any experience that will either be relevant to the readers of the post or provide responses that will help the writer decide what to do.
ReplyDeleteWhat writers say and do in Flyertalk is particular to this community. I will analyze this specific posts using Gee’s “saying (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing combinations”. First, looking at the language used by the writer of the post, I notice that the language is not very formal. It is easy for any member of the community to understand the message they are trying to convey and be able to reply to it. However, because this community deals with a certain industry—in this case the Hospitality and service industry—it is important to know the characteristics of the industry. This is why these situations of “saying (writing)-doing-being-valuing-believing” are what Gee refers to as Discourse with a capital D. Although we can study the Hospitality Industry, it is not possible to sit in a classroom and learn why workers in this industry may act the way they do. Members of the Flyer talk community have more experience with what this industry consists of that goes beyond the classroom.
The online computer game League of Legends has continuously growing community that appeals to gamers who are looking for completely fun, semi competitive, or completely competitive gameplay. This game features a tower defense style format in a 3v3 or 5v5 brawl. I will be focusing on the 5v5 format on a map called Summoners Rift and distinguish the difference between the competitive gameplay and the classic, laid back style gameplay. In quick summary, this game consists of over 100 champions to pick from as you play to take down a nexus in the opponents base, or try to get the enemy team to surrender after the 20 minute mark. The items are bought in the game depending on how much gold you can get from killing enemy minions that come to three lanes and the items can change the course of the game.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started this game I used it as a means to keep in contact with friends from my middle school that all enjoyed playing video games. We kept in the classic games (often just called classic) which were there for the players that just wanted to play for fun and occasionally a completely competitive hothead that would try to make orders for the rest of his team. Classic is known for having people like us; people who want to win but don’t freak out if they lose a game. In classic everything is just for fun.
Recently I ventured from my regular play style of just talking with friends and playing for fun to a different League of Legends all together: ranked gameplay. When I started my ranked games (often referred to as ranked such as classic gameplay is referred to as classic), I was confused when people started cursing at each other and demanding that their needs be met no matter what happened. The reason this was so shocking was that I have watched the two season championships for League of Legends and when something went wrong the professional teams would always keep themselves together and try to come back from their mistakes; in my ranked game, it seemed I was the only one that was able to manage this.
When looking at solomid.net and mobafire.com, two websites dedicated to making strategy guides of which items to buy for which characters for the other players of League of Legends, I noticed that there is a tab on the website for guides and another tab for guides made by high Elo authors. Elo, the rating system used in the game to show how well a person plays in ranked games, determines who a player will go against when he/she enters the queue for a game.
0119
ReplyDeleteThe online community that my ethnography is known as Virtual Motorsports, which is a community of people that get together for competitive simulation racing on the game “Forza 4”. Virtual Motorsports is a very diverse community with people from all over the world. In this community, people discuss aspects of the common interest that brings them to the community, but like most communities, there are a variety of personalities. The events that members of the community compete in are very serious events, and though there are varying skill levels, everyone is just as focused and serious about the activity. I have observed that the nature of these events brings a very mature crowd into the community; therefore, the discussions on the message boards rarely consist of disrespect or unintelligent arguments, which is actually common in many communities. As individuals within the community act mature, I see the identity of the whole community to be mature, as Wardle would see it. There is primarily one type of discourse in the community, as the audience is for the most part stable in its overall views.
In order to be a successful college drumline, you must please the crowd as well as the professionals. To please the crowd you must do flashy things such as stick flips and just flat out playing loud. To please the professionals and other drummers that may be in the crowd you have to play intricate rhythms that are clean. A few weeks ago, Yamaha flew some representatives down from California to see us rehearse and perform. Since the drumline here at UCF is sponsored by Yamaha we all took it very seriously and didn’t goof around at all.
ReplyDeleteThis game is when I really started to notice the attitude change of the drumline from practice days to game days. We all became much more serious as a whole, and thinking about it now I can see where Elizabeth Wardle’s idea of authority comes in to play. Dr. Thad Anderson, our head drumline tech instructs us during rehearsals, but over time we have all grown more accustomed to him and have become more relaxed at practice. By bringing in these “big wigs”, there was a different sense of authority, and it brought the seriousness back into our rehearsals for the week.
From the past 16 minutes ive spent observing my community I found many obvious observations regarding how the members communicate between one another. At the end of each day, each member will post their “report” of the day and with the posting comes with a letter grade of how well you ate, any meta-goals you completed, and the choice to post your report for others to read and learn from. The supreme goal of my community is to accurately account for what you eat and to stay within a diet that you set for yourself when you sign up. Within your daily report however there are meta-goals to keep the member inspired throughout their dieting journey. Goals such as “drinking 8 cups of water for a whole week” or “keeping a log for a full week” are examples and with completion of these come badges on your profile that serve as bragging rights and points you can use to receive online gift cards from various online stores. I also found that those who endure the most struggle to lose weight get the most likes and comments on their reports.
ReplyDelete• Does a different genre reflect different discourse and lexis?
ReplyDelete• Discourse of various “groups” within last.fm
• “…Groups are a great way to meet people with similar interests and music taste. Check out the groups… for something more specific.” – Specificity. Narrowing horizons contribute to filter bubble effect.
• Do users try out new groups to get something new and break free from this constricting bubble?
People have different music tastes. Once someone establishes a favorite genre, it becomes customary for that person to want to listen to that specific genre repeatedly. When one discovers what they like, they tend to stick with it and maintain an exclusive relationship, while simultaneously blocking out what they do not want to hear (other genres dissimilar to their own). This is known as a filter bubble.
Eli Pariser describes online filter bubbles as "your own personal, unique universe of information that you live in online. And what's in your filter bubble depends on who you are, and it depends on what you do. But the thing is that you don't notice decide what gets in. And more importantly, you don't see what actually gets edited out." The community I am observing is reddit.com/r/politics, the US politics subreddit. Reddit's upvote/downvote system acts as an online filter bubble for the users of Reddit, but I will focus on /r/politics. The upvote/downvote system should be used to vote on content based on relevance and how it contributes. However, many users use the voting system to upvote favorable content and opinions and downvote unfavorable ones. This can be observed in /r/politics, a very left-leaning community, that upvotes anything leftist and downvotes any opinions in opposition to it. For example, in the "Obama wins the presidency thread" someone posted this comment:
ReplyDelete"Congratulations comrades. We have successfully elected the semblance of change from the puppet on the left instead of semblance of change from the puppet on the right!
Why is the Who song making more sense to me the more of these elections I watch. Enjoy the party for the time being, but the dust won't be settled in January when you start realizing that nothing has changed except the face on the TV."
The comment has -2 points and the user deleted his username from the comment. One reply is: "'cause you're a crumbly old cynic?"
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy digital community is called The Poet’s Sanctuary where novice and amateur poets can post their poems and receive feedback from others. The foundation for writing good poetry derives from knowing what language to use in order to effectively convey your emotion and message. If you use incorrect or misleading language in your poetry then the reader can be confused on the purpose of your writing. The Poets Sanctuary allows its users to post the poems into different categories such as The Sadness, The Enlightened, The Heart, and many other categories. The language and word choice will display what emotion the writer wants to convey and why they chose their piece in the category they chose.
ReplyDeleteI browsed around two categories on The Poet’s Sanctuary: The Sadness and The Enlightened and selected a couple poems to analyze. One poem from The Sadness category called “Build-a-Girl Work Shop” speaks about how a girl feels like she needs to be “manufactured” in order to be her lover’s perfect girl. She uses language such as “instead of being perfect, like I know you want. I ended up an ugly little Chucky doll” and a lonely little Chuck doll, pleading for your forgiveness. I'm sorry.” Then I went to The Enlightened category and picked out one poem called “Its Amazing”. I noticed language such as “It's amazing What you can do” and “But you fight on You get through it You find the strength To get out of bed.”
Both these poems use very different language choice to convey their emotion and purpose. Elizabeth Wardle’s Identity, Authority, and Learning to Write in New Workplaces analyzed how lexis, the language writers choose to use, effects their piece.
The lexis both authors used conveyed their emotion and thus made it fit into the category that they chose.
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ReplyDeleteTribe Sports is a fitness website created for members to gain insight from others or simply keep track of their own workouts. In order to keep track of their workouts, members are able to log at any time what they performed. The website’s homepage contains these recent logs of challenges their members are completing. Challenges are workouts and fitness tips the members are posting to the live stream. These members have separate profiles that can be viewed by other members to take a look at what one has accomplished. Most members go into detail by specifying how many reps, miles, crunches, or etc they have completed. Just for example, a member named Brenda M posted on the log she will participating in the public challenge of 100 crunches a day for 2 weeks.
Every week there is a “user of the week” displayed on the homepage as well. I have to do more research on how these members become users of the week, but when I clicked on this weeks user named Paris F I noticed he has completed 1,586 challenges. He also seems to have many followers who post comments on his profile congratulating him or giving good feedback on his workouts. For example, Gavin F commented “Hey Paris, thanks for the follow, following you back. Enjoying all your challenges ☺”. Paris F has built Wardle’s idea of an identity for himself. By posting tips for challenges and being an active member of fitness himself, he has gained followers who want to learn and gain motivation through Paris.
The discourse communities for my analysis comprise of the programming and engineering groups present here at the university, a professional workplace, and casual interpersonal situations. As an highly involved member of these communities, I have a great deal of access to resources and first-hand experience. I cite examples that I am closely familiar with to elucidate on the nature of the discourse and the context of the situation where the discourse occurs. In a professional setting for an engineering company, applicants for employment are often screened for strong technical knowledge during preliminary interviews. Google’s interviewees are often asked to solve complex programming problems and provide algorithmic solutions to the interviewer. The context of this is synonymous to an examination—an assessment of the applicant’s knowledge and skills. I personally underwent a similar experience where several engineers exchanged a highly technical conversation with me to determine what knowledge and skills I possessed in order to gain a level of authority and connection with the company.
ReplyDeleteWhen you sign up for an account on YouTube, you create your own username which makes you unique and behind this username your true identity is covered. In John Suler’s “The Psychology of Cyberspace” It talks about how this sense of anonymity and invisibility gives a person control of their actions knowing that whatever they say, they don’t have to take responsibility for those actions. However, Suler brings up a question wondering if these behaviors that people do online reflect their true core that is wrapped by other layers of personality that we create as defenses on everyday social interactions. With this being said, in the YouTube community you are given the privilege to comment on video that you watch for whatever reason. My analysis is based on the ability of commenting and how the different genres of videos that exists on YouTube (music, humor, educational, etc…) affect the way you comment on the videos. On humor videos you are expected to comment with any type of humor as opposed to a political video which calls for opinions that can be strong and cause lash outs by these people who may not necessarily be part of their true characteristics.
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